Sometimes Life Isn't a Fairy Tale...When happily ever after doesn't happen

This is something I wrote in the fall of 2006 after getting diagnosed. I wanted to add it to my blog, so I hope you enjoy reading it a second time, if you've already read it once before. It was also published as the Parent Perspective in the Catlin Gabel Dialog.

Cancer sucks. There's no doubt about it. There isn't any way to say it nicely. Or even easily. The words don't roll off my tongue voluntarily. I have to force them out. Each time I say it, I can hardly believe it. It's hard to accept. I have cancer. It's true. Thinking or feeling otherwise doesn't change it. It's still there. No matter how hard I try and forget. I have cancer. Those three words have changed everything.

It's my new normal. If you can call it that. I can't change it. I can't control it. I can't make it all better. I can't pretend it didn't happen. I can't make it go away. I can't explain it away. I can't justify it. It just is. I just have to accept it and deal with it and live on the best I can. For my family and my children. I have to make the most of it, learn from it, become a better person because of it, and fight like heck so i can be there for my two children as they grow up and experience what life has to offer. I don't want to miss a single moment. I want to be there when they get their first girlfriend/boyfriend; graduate from high school, go off to college, get their first jobs. When they get married and have kids. I want to see them win Olympic gold medals. And I want to be a grandmother. I want to live to be 90 and die of natural causes. Not cancer. Cancer sucks.

I also want them to grow up with a mother who loves and knows them like only a mother can. I can tell by just a look if they are coming down with something. If they are sad, or happy. I know them like I know my own heart. They are my heart. Everyone needs a mom, even when they are 40 years old like myself. I want them to feel my love and draw strength from it; to know I will always be there for them, in good times and bad. I want to nurture them, love them, care for them, protect them and inspire them to be great human beings. And I want to be there to see how they turn out. It's what I look forward to most. But it's possible I might not be there to see it. Because...I have stage IV cancer. And cancer sucks.

There is no cure. Only hope that they will find one someday soon. Hope that I will win this fight and be in remission. Hope that I will live to see my children blossom into teenagers and adults.

So it's very important that I scrapbook and journal my memories for them today. I want to leave a piece of myself for them in photos and writings so, if and when I'm gone, they can look and read through their scrapbooks and journals and know how much I love them, whether I am here on this earth or not. I want them to know how I feel, what I think, and how very proud I am of them. I never want them to forget me and my love.

Cancer sucks. But life doesn't. Cancer actually affected my life positively, if you can believe that. Had I not been diagnosed with cancer on June 10th, 2006, I would not have known the strength and love of my community. I can honestly say that my family and I have a whole army supporting us. Bringing us dinners; cleaning our house; calling; sending emails, cards, letters; organizing playdates; carpooling my kids and I (I can't drive during chemo weeks) to our various activiities; sending gifts; giving pedicures and massages; scheduling movie nights; donating plants for the "healing garden" in our backyard; and countless other things. We appreciate it so much, and are so very thankful, grateful and lucky. It's like I got cancer and won the lottery all in one day.

Through this experience I've learned a great deal. I've definately learned how to become a better friend and member of the community from the examples that are being shown to us. I've learned to not sweat the small stuff. It's not important. I've learned to be thankful and happy for each day. To make and take time for the important things. To give more hugs and kisses. To tell everyone I love them on a daily basis. To talk on the phone more. To go on playdates with my friends. To slow down and enjoy the ride. To be more tolerant, patient and forgiving.

I've also learned how strong I am and can be. It hasn't been easy, that's for sure. Our world was turned upside down in a day. Without warning. But I survived the summer, and I'm doing well, and tolerating the chemo, and everyone tells me how great I look. I believe it has to do with all of the positive thoughts, wishes, prayers that have come my way via the community. It gives me hope. I tuck them all into a little pocket of my heart and draw strength from them. I must have done something right in this lifetime to deserve the love and support I'm receiving. I am so thankful for it.

I do have difficulty accepting help, but I'm learning how to do that, too. People want to help. They want to do something, to feel like they are making a difference. They care and want to show it. It's hard for me, an independent woman who is used to giving, to receive. But I'm working on it. It's making me a better person and, in turn, it's making my children better people too. Everyone around me is affected positively. It's quite extraordinary.

I've been journaling a lot since this all happened. It's so important to get the words down. I'm also keeping a journal for each child in which I write to them nightly/daily and they have the opportunity to respond to me in their journal - or not. This is difficult for them to go through, and giving them a safe place to record their thoughts and feelings or ask questions of me is very important. We've tried so hard not to have this disrupt their lives, but how can it not? Sometimes they respond, sometimes they don't. But they do look forward to reading their journals every day. I usually do my journaling at night before bed and leave the books for them to read at the breakfast table. Sometimes I journal about how well they did in their respective soccer games or on their homework. Sometimes I get heavier and talk about my chemo. I find that children open up more in their journals and find it an easier way to communicate. It provides a safe place for them to speak.

If and when my time comes, now or much later, I know that my children will have words and pictures to remember me by. Memories to hold on to and pull out and touch and read when they miss me or need some reassurance. They will know how much I love/loved them. They will hear my words and hopefully keep a connection with me to see them through difficult times. They can read through their journals and laugh and cry over the stories and adventures of the past, and draw strength from this mother's love. I always end my journal entry with "p.s. i love you." That love will live on in these books, whether I'm here or not.

So as you can see, I'm not "living happy every after" like the fairytale I had planned in my head, but I am "living" and I'm "happy." It's hard. Don't get me wrong. Cancer sucks. But like in the fairytales, you've gotta kiss a lot of frogs before you get to your happy ending. Cancer is just one of my "frogs." My life is now a "fractured fairytale."

xoxox

shauna

My Bucket List

1. Write and publish a book. (Hopefully one that will then get made into a movie!)
2. See my kids graduate from High School.
3. See my kids graduate from College.
4. See my kids get married.
5. Become a grandmother.
6. Renew my wedding vows.
7. Put together treasure boxes of significant gifts and cards with handwritten notes for big milestones/occasions for my children to have in case I'm not here to celebrate them in person.
8. Put together scrapbooks of myself for each child.
9. Take my family to Disney World and ride Splash Moutain and Thunder Mountain Railroad more than the 8 times we rode it at Disneyland!
10. Finish stripping the wall paper from my bathroom and bedroom walls (a project I started about 9 years ago and never finished!) and redecorate/paint it the way I've always envisioned it.
11. Get all of my papers/affairs/arrangements in order now while I am still able.
12. Go through the boxes and piles in my house/garage and simplify our lives!
13. Landscape our backyard.
14. Be the change I want to see in the world...
15. Redecorate Spencer's room so he doesn't have a little car and truck border at age 12 going around the top of his walls!
16. See my kid/s play college sport/s (if they so choose!)
17. See Spencer get his first girlfriend.
18. See my kids become teenagers and all that goes with that.
19. Grow old with my husband.
20. Take Kaelin to see Cirque du Soliel

To be continued....

Have you heard of this movie yet? "The Bucket List." It's based on a book and it stars Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman and it's about a list of things to do before you "kick the bucket". In other words, things you want to see/do/accomplish before you die.

I've been thinking about this a lot lately. Starting to compile my own list. There aren't a lot of things that I can tangibly do/see/accomplish and check off my list without "time". Time plays a key factor in my list. And most things I've been thinking about involve my kids and big bench marks in their lives as they grow older and experience life. So I'm having trouble putting together a list that I can run through and actually do/see/accomplish and check things off. I'm not sure how much time I actually have. It's a scary thought. But one I have to face.

When I was diagnosed in June 2006, I only had one regret at the time. I regretted that I didn't force Kaelin go to Nationals in gymnastics when she qualified and made the Regional team in spring 2006. It was in West Virginia and I wanted to go so badly. But she wanted nothing to do with it. She was scared and nervous and only 6. It was too much for her. So I listened to her, and we gave up her spot on the Regional team thinking that she's only 6 and there will be many more years she'll make it to Nationals. I couldn't wait to experience that! And then I got diagnosed and all heck broke loose. All that I could think of was that I wasn't going to ever get to see her compete at Nationals. That I missed our chance to experience that together. That was my only real glaring regret that ate at me in terms of missed opportunities that I should have taken at the time.

But then the next spring came around and she made the team and she wanted to go and it was in Boston and a couple of her buddies also made the team. I almost didn't get to go because I was diagnosed with pnumonia less than a week before! I was even on a chemo break. Kaelin didn't want to go without me. I got well enough in a few days to go and we went and had the best experience! We had so much fun exploring Boston with our friends and the big group that went from our gym. And she ended up 9th place all around at Nationals in her age group in Level 5.


You can see the photos here:


http://share.shutterfly.com/action/welcome?sid=0AaMWjVo2ZNmLjw

Do all of you out there have a "Bucket List" started? What are you waiting for? xoxox Shauna


p.s. This is a photo of Kaelin and I with our new hats we got today! We went to the mall to spend our gift cards we got for Christmas and while there, we looked in every single store for hats! We found these in Macy's and they were marked down to $12 each! Kaelin wanted a matching hat, so we both got one! Aren't we cute? This style hat is totally working for me right now. It's got enough height and it's low enough around the ears to hide my head. So I don't look "bald", just stylish! LOL

Notice Kaelin's cast. She won't let anyone sign it, but they can put a piece of masking tape on it with their signatures! LOL

Thank you Teri, Tami, Weyerhauser & Crusaders Car Club!

Look what arrived at my door this week! My friend and locker partner from 8th grade, Tami (Wilkerson) Dunning called me last week to tell me that after reading in my blog about how I was going to have to try and borrow my husbands laptop for my Reno trip, made some calls. In turn, those people made some calls, and so on down the line. What then happened was that Weyerhauser, who can't make donations to an individual, but can to a non-profit, donated an old lap top to a car club called Crusaders (in Washington), who then in turn donated it to me so I could have it for my long chemo days, my days spent in bed after chemo and for my Reno trip! Can you believe it????? I can't!!!!!!! I was just flabbergasted at the generosity of people's time and resources. Just as I am floored by all that everyone has done for me the last 1.5 years of battling this disease. I have to tell you that my belief in the goodness of mankind has been restored and then some. It is unbelievable the support I have been shown, by people I know and don't know. By the most suprising and unlikely places. I am in awe of all of these people and the good that they do. They are role models for us all and I admire them so much. Thank you for enriching and touching my life so positively and making the last 1. 5 years much better than I could have ever dreamed. I am really happy and in a good place most of the time, regardless of what is going on with the nasty C word, and that is in large part due to you all and the support you have shown me in every which way imaginable. From every hug, email, blogpost, hat, letter, card, phone call, gift, donation, laptop, I love you spoken, prayer said, etc. Every little thing matters, so thank you from the bottom most reaches of my heart.


The lap top thing happened at such a bizarre time. The week before I got the phone call from Tami, my "Making Life Count" Women with Stage IV Metastatic Cancer support group (aka The Death Squad") was just talking about this very thing. It's so weird how stuff like that happens. We were talking about 3 ladies that had gone on Hospice and who didn't have access to a computer anymore (we have an email group to trade info, updates, etc) because they were bedridden. Someone suggested getting some laptops donated that we could in turn loan out to the ladies on hospice and then labeling them etc. to make sure they got back to us and erased etc. when they were done with them. Someone had mentioned that companies (such as Intel) can't donate to individuals, but can to nonprofits. So we thought that the moderators of our group, Cancer Care Resources, could be given the laptops as donations. I had thought it was a good idea and made a note in my head to ask Paris' hubby, who works at Intel, about it. Then I promptly forgot (common thing with me the last 1.5 years). 5 days later, before going into my chemo, I get a call from Tami about that very thing! Isn't that weird? I feel kind of guilty being the one blessed with a laptop, when these other women are in need of one more than I though.


So if anyone out there knows anyone or a company that is upgrading their laptops and getting rid of their old ones, email me at shaunaimmel@verizon.net or make a call to someone, who makes a call to someone, who then makes a call to someone and then Cancer Care Resources get about 3-4 used laptops in the mail for the women that go on hospice in my Metastatic Cancer support group to use. That would really ROCK. Not to mention, make a lot of very ill ladies very happy. I love to see them happy because we've been seeing way too much sadness lately. I would be eternally grateful. As would they. Thank you.



Now I need to thank my friend Teri Cutts for this great hat! It's an unexpected and very appreciated Christmas gift! I can't tell you how many compliments I've gotten on it the last two days! And people wanting to know if I made it (I should just lie and say "yes" LOL). And people not even noticing my bald head because they are so distracted by the hat!!! Love that! And look how great it goes with my brown sweater that my mom gave me for Christmas!


Cut to funny story about not noticing my bald head.... while at the Sprint store getting my phone switched to Dave's old one (I dropped my other one way too many times), the sales clerk wanted to know if I wanted a Blue Tooth or something. I commented that "with my luck, it would probably give me brain cancer!" Dave laughs and we share a look and then the guy, clueless to my baldness (thanks to my great hat), says "well, we're all gonna get cancer anyways". I just let that one go, but felt pretty good about flying under the cancer radar, regardless of my baldness.


Ok, cut back to Teri Cutts.



Teri and I know each other from our hobby of scrapbooking. It was probably about 8 years ago that we met at a Creative Writing (using those Zig scroll & brush, Calligraphy and fine/bold pen sets) class at a little, tiny scrapbook store that used to be in Beaverton, just off of Hwy. 217. I think it was called "It's a Wonderful Life" or something like that. We both had signed up for a beach weekend trip full of scrapbooking, prizes, and eating and was put on by the ladies at the store. She came with her friends, and I came with mine, and we all hit it off.

I remember being in awe of her scrapbooking style, her creative pages and her sticker stash! She had every single sticker ever made I think! I remember her being in awe of my patterned paper stash (helps to work for a big scrapbook paper maufacturer). I think we inspired each other! We both started frequenting a newly opened scrapbook store and going to big all night crops on a regular basis. We became fast friends and went on several Scrapbook Adventures together, like the first Creating Keepsakes University (big weekend of scrapbook classes and cropping) ever in Provo, Utah and CKU Anaheim. Boy did our group, The Cowabunga Croppers, clean up at CKU Anaheim. We were a finalist and asked to perform our theme song, "Everyone's Gone Scrappin, Scrappin CKU" at the big tailgate party. We won the door contest with our treasure map, Delux Die Cuts, pirate themed door decor and 3 of us from the same hotel room/group , won in the page contests (Teri, Nic Howard from NZ and myself!).

Once in awhile we still get together to shop, bake (remember the caramel/chocolate apples and pretzels at Paris?) or scrapbook at Teri's cabin (with Paris and Kimberly Llorens) in Black Butte (Southern Oregon). Or we meet for lunch or coffee. Not nearly enough though. Very far and few inbetween. And usually they are going or meeting without me because of my busy schedule. But I cherish those times we have spent together and look forward to more. And I usually see Teri more on the soccer field anyways (both of our daughters are playing soccer in the same league!). It's always nice to run into her.

What I will remember the most though, is that after my surgery, she sent me a card in the mail every single week, without fail. She always found the greatest cards too. This probably went on for at least a year. I can't tell you how much it meant to me and brightened my days. She has always been so generous and thoughtful and I love her so much! Thank you Teri!!!!

xoxoxox
Shauna

Kaelin's Winter Break

Well, there goes basketball season, indoor soccer season, acrobatics, rhythmic gymnastics competition season, PE and recess. How are we all going to survive a Kaelin who is unable to work off all of her energy? Imagine the Tasmanian Devil unable to spin and create chaos and destruction. Scary!!!!

Wish we had some great story on how she broke her 4th whatever bone in her hand. She didn't do it running and jumping. Or flipping and spinning. Or even playing sports for that matter. She did it messing around with her brother Spencer, blocking his jabbing fingers into her belly on Sunday.

When it happened, she was more dramatic than usual and got pretty emotional. She's a tough cookie, so if she's in tears, you know she's hurt. But it passed quickly and and she could move her fingers. So we thought she was ok. She had told us she heard something crack though. And then the next morning when she awoke, her hand was pretty darn swollen. We sent her to school and I called the doc and couldn't get her in until today (Tuesday). She was favoring it a bit (so unlike Kaelin) and wincing doing simple tasks. Took her to her pediatrician today and had it xrayed. Got referred to the urgent care at the Orthopedic clinic. They put her in a cast for about 4 weeks.

Spencer feels pretty bad about it. But they are both to blame. Kaelin had her pick of colors for her cast, and she had it narrowed down to the dark blue or neon green. She saw a man getting a dark blue one on his hand and she liked what she saw. I think I would have picked pink myself. I'm not a pink girl, but for some reason, have felt myself drawn to it lately.

When Kaelin found out it was broken, her reaction was "oh poop". She told the doctor she had a goal of never breaking any bones. And while in the car on our way to the orthopedist, as she's pondering getting a cast, she bursts out "how will I eat?" LOL Her mood perked up when she realized that we will miss the last two qualifying meets for Rhythmic Gymnastics (she loves to train, hates to compete and be judged). They are Feb. 3 and Feb. 9. I'm really bummed because I was really looking forward to watching her compete and she's been looking really really good lately. Now she won't be qualified to compete at State, to make Regionals to then compete at Nationals. Who knows how she would have faired at any of them, but now we won't get the opportunity.

It's a good thing I'm not in Reno right now, with the weather and the broken hand thing. But now it will be easier for those left behind when I go, since they will have 4 places less to drive to, taking hoops, soccer, gym and dance out of the picture! Although, Dave's first reaction was that now they can work on strengthening her left hand (dribbling, shooting, etc)!

She's not in a lot of pain. She has a high pain tolerance and she's a little giddy over the excitement of it all. She's in good spirits and is looking forward to showing off her arm accessory tomorrow at school. And like I said, the idea of not doing those two meets relieves her stage fright.

Why do these things always happen in January of a new year though? Spencer broke his arm in two places in January of 4th grade. Of course they can't happen in December, when we've already met our medical deductable and it won't come out of our pocket. It's always something isn't it? You'd think we've had our fair share of the medical bills to last a lifetime! Oh well, this will just help us meet our deductable sooner rather than later! Guess that's how the cookie crumbles, or the hand breaks!

xoxoxo
shauna

ps. I'm kinda excited about the prospect of scrapbooking broken arm photos! I can do a page of both Spencer and Kaelin LOL

My Wish

for Spencer and Kaelin and for all of you out there....

RASCAL FLATTS LYRICS

"My Wish"

I hope that the days come easy and the moments pass slow,
And each road leads you where you want to go,
And if you're faced with a choice, and you have to choose,
I hope you choose the one that means the most to you.
And if one door opens to another door closed,
I hope you keep on walkin' till you find the window,
If it's cold outside, show the world the warmth of your smile,
But more than anything, more than anything,


My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to,
Your dreams stay big, and your worries stay small,
You never need to carry more than you can hold,
And while you're out there getting where you're getting to,
I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too,
Yeah, this, is my wish.


I hope you never look back, but ya never forget,
All the ones who love you, in the place you left,
I hope you always forgive, and you never regret,
And you help somebody every chance you get,
Oh, you find God's grace, in every mistake,
And you always give more than you take.
But more than anything, yeah, and more than anything,


My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to,
Your dreams stay big, and your worries stay small,
You never need to carry more than you can hold,
And while you're out there getting where you're getting to,
I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too,
Yeah, this, is my wish.


This is my wish
I hope you know somebody loves you

May all your dreams stay big


xoxoxox
shauna

ps. photo by Jim Dukes! September 2007

I see the light....

Cycle 2, round 2 of carbo taxol not so much fun. I'm finally starting to feel like I'm making the turn. This time I slept the whole time. I think it was harder on me in a different way though. Last round I couldn't sleep and was awake to feel every discomfort. This time I was wiped out. And I'm not recovering as quickly. Didn't get that burst of energy I had before when I made the turn. The kids and I did declutter/organize the game/movie bookcase in the family room today and that about did me in. I also helped with dinner and we watched National Treasure on DVD. But I'm still feeling queasy and my insides are not um..."stable." LOL And I'm nursing a sore throat. Oh, and my shiney bald head (with fuzz hair growing back?????) is covered in some rash. Lovely. Not only am I bald, I'm bald and red and bumpy. You think I could catch a break eh?

I'm still planning to take off to Reno, but want to recover and not rush this time. I want to feel prepared. I have all of my medical records in hand (thanks Paris!) and I have some paperwork and loose ends to tie up and some more arrangements to make. I guess it's a good thing we didn't go when we were supposed to because of that big winter storm that blew up the coast and put Reno under water!

I was hoping to go into work tomorrow, but I think I may need another day or two to get my feet under me. They say your immune system is the weakest at day 7. Today is day 7. We'll see how I feel when I get up to take the kids to school.

I've been feeling blue all week. A dear dear lady in my Stage 4 Women with Metastatice Cancer (aka "The Death Squad" - more on that later) passed away this week. I didn't know her well, but man, she lit up the room like a chandeleir. She was so kind, sweet, loving, positive and supportive. You sought out her presence. It felt good to stand in her light. It made you feel all warm and fuzzy. I can't believe she's gone. I really can't. I can't imagine going to group on Wednesday and her not being there. I just saw her. And she looked well. She sounded well. She was happy. She had just gone to a holiday concert with some other ladies from group and was all inspired and even told us how after hearing the beautiful music they stood up and yelled "I'm cured." She was laughing and giggling as she told the story. It just doesn't seem possible or real. My heart just breaks for her family and close friends. If I feel about her the way that I do, imagine how those who really knew and loved her are feeling...the loss and emptiness that has replaced that light in their life. Although I can bet you that she's the brightest star up in the sky tonight.

And then there is the matter of 3 other ladies from group that have recently gone on hospice. One is still coming to group, one is hanging in there with the help of pain meds and the third isn't expected to last but a few days. Her two daughters are scrambling around trying to plan her service and seeking donations to cover it before it happens. If anyone is interested in helping her daughters with a small monetary donation, email me shaunaimmel@verizon.net and I will send you their snail mail address where you can send a check to help cover cremation expenses. They firgured they needed to raise about $1,000. Thank you for holding all of these women and families in your hearts. I can't imagine how much it must hurt for them, as I am hurting and I am so far removed from the big picture.

Give kisses, hugs and hold your loved ones close. Tell them you love them. Be patient with them. Enjoy them. Do what you love and love what you do. Time and love are so precious and in the big scheme of things, they are the only things that really matter. Nothing else is or should be as important. Life is so unpredictable and can be cut much shorter than expected. You never know. Live your life with no regrets. Start now. Today. No regrets.

xoxoxo
Shauna

Happy New Year...meet Heather!

Cycle 2, day 1 of carbo-taxol (warning TMI to follow) brings emotional turmoil, diarreah and stomach cramping. And insomnia (it's the steroids they give you as pre-meds. Barry Bonds ain't got nothing on me!)

Our New Year's Eve: Spencer and Kaelin's Japanese teacher picked them up tonight and took them to a Japanese New Year party while Dave and I were at my all day chemo appointment and then rented all 3 of the "Ocean's" movies and watched only the 1st one so far. Dave picked Kaelin up around 10pm and Spencer stayed the night (I think he's secretly hoping to defend his title in the traditional pancake eating contest). Kaelin passed around these glasses she made at school and we stayed up and took photos (my photo was just too too scary to share) as we watched the Ball Drop and counted down with Dick Clark's Rockin' New Year's Eve.

Here's a photo of my balding head. More and more seems to get lost each day. And boy is this weather cold on this girls naked head! I find hat's itchy or that they affect my hearing if they have ear flaps and affect my peripheral vision if they have brims. And they definately affect my look. I'm definately looking like a cancer patient now, for the first time really. It's very odd. But I love my assortment and continue to alternate wearing them. My photog just hasn't been around lately to take my photo. Or vice versa.

Meet Heather, my wig. It was donated to me. It's not real hair but it's hair I don't have anymore. The color is a little darker than mine, but it looked the best on me. It's straight out of a tiny box, so it's very messy and wild and well, stuffed-in-a-box looking. I guess I need to wash it and set it on a wig stand (which i need to go down the street and buy. It's that simple, you'd think I could handle this!). The ladies at my hat shower, and many people (friends and family) donated money for me to buy a wig for myself. I think, if you all don't mind, I am going to put that towards my trip to reno when the time comes. I just am hoping that I dont' need the use of a wig that long and I can't justify spending that money on a real hair wig yet, even though that is it's purpose. I thank you dearly and am so very very appreciative of your kindness, thoughtfulness and generosity. Wow. And who knows. I might change my mind as time goes on. Bald isn't all it's cracked up to be. But it sure is easy to get ready in the morning! I bet I have you all beat shower to dress and out the door in 15' tops! Maybe you all should shave your heads and buy wigs!!!! I know a couple of great wig shops! ;) And I have lots of friends named Tiffany and Alyssa and Courtney etc! Think of the fun we could all have! And we could mix and match (as long as none of you with hair has lice! LOL) What do ya say? Are you with me????? Chickens!

I hope your New Year is filled with good fortune. I've been told by several people that 2008 is a lucky year. First of all, in numerology the numbers in 2008 add up to a "10" or something like that, and that means good luck. And in the Chinese calendar, it's the year of the mouse. The mouse is supposed to be good luck. I was told to get a mousetrap and break it in half tonight! I think I may just do that tomorrow! I can use a little luck!!! But not in the friend and family department. I won the lotto on that one - I'm the luckiest girl in the world! I love you all!




xoxoxo
Shauna and Team Immel

ps. forgot to say that my locker partner and friend since 8th grade, Tami, got wherehouser (how do you spell that correctly???) to donate a lap top to me thru a non-profit company for my trip to Reno! Woo hoo! I know that my women with Metastatic Cancer Support Group (known as "the Death Squad, but that's a whole nother story and post) were just talking about this very type of thing for our group to have and loan to the women going onto hospice and being bedridden in their comfy hospital beds! Maybe we can look more into this and I'll try and get more info from my awesome friend Tami! I just was a little overwhelmed today with decisions as the chemo nurses kept coming over and asking if I was ready or if I had made my decision yet to have it or not. I did a lot of arguing with myself today trying to come up with the best case scenario, and with cancer, there really isn't one.