Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Technical Difficulties or Technology Challenged?

Where's my 12 year old when I need him? LOL

It seems everything in my life having to do with technology hasn't been working properly lately. And yesterday was the straw that broke the camels back. Was there a solar flare or something? Did I get in some time warp thing and experience Y2K?

First of all, my laptop wasn't connecting to the internet and I have no idea how to fix something like that. So I (or should I say "we" because the kids like to play their online games on it) had to wait for Dave to get around to dealing with it. Just like everything else around here.

Secondly, my PC has been acting up on me lately, crashing right in the middle of something important (very frustrating and causing me to avoid it!!!). Another thing waiting for Dave to deal with.

Thirdly, while walking with Paris on Monday, I noticed my IPod was stuck on the same song, playing it over and over and over again instead of shuffling through the playlist and playing a different song each time. Another thing for Dave, although he's not very versed in Ipods tech support.

Fourthly, my phone (or shall I say Dave's old one) has been freaking out for awhile now. My contact list wasn't working, there was a box that kept popping up on my screen constantly that said that if I didn't back up the info, I would lose it all immediately. ???? Another thing to wait for Dave. He did quickly look at it and couldn't help me. :(

Fifthly, our satelite TV was blipping in and out the other night. They did put up a screen that told me that though, so at least I know that I wasn't imagining things, and that it wasn't due to my lack of technical skills or knowledge.

And lastly, after dropping off the kids at school yesterday, I stopped at the bookstore for a total of 15 minutes. When I came out to my car, it was completely and totally dead to the world. I tried calling Dave to come rescue me, and he was on an hour long conference call. I finally got ahold of him and he came and jumped my car and followed me to Les Schwabb.

Les Schwabb replaced my battery and fixed a loose electrical wire and sent me on my way, $79 poorer. (could have been a lot worse though!). I then stopped in the Apple Store since I was next to the mall and talked to someone about my Ipod. He took a look at it and showed me how to take it off "repeat" and put it back on shuffle free of charge. LOL (what a simple solution, duh!). I then stopped at the Sprint Store across the street and they helped me with my phone. I guess the record button kept getting pushed accidently while in my purse or whatever and it had used up all of it's memory recording ramblings and background noise. He showed me a few other things too and sent me on my way free of charge. While I was out and about, Dave fixed my laptop and attempted (hopefully successfully???) to fix my PC. So I think we're good to go again around here. Sometimes I feel like a complete dork. Can I blame any of that on Chemo brain at least???? Menopause????

I've always said I had no left brain. I guess I just proved it.

Hope you're having a great week!

Monday, April 28, 2008

I-Pod Happy

My husband got me an Ipod Itouch for Christmas/Birthday. And I love it. I love listening to it while I get my chemo , walk with Paris and workout. Paris and I usually always announce to each other which song is on while we walk and can you believe that one time, we were listening to the very same song at the very same time? I think it was "Every Breath you Take" by Brooke White from American Idol.

I also love listening to it while I cook dinner. I put on my Ipod and sing away at the top of my lungs, much to my children's embarrassment. And I love adding songs to it. As my kids pointed out yesterday. Everytime we hear a song on the radio while we're driving, I usually say "I've got this on my Ipod!" and they come back with "you've got EVERYTHING on your Ipod!". As I started to think about this, it occured to me that I did the same thing in Reno, with my friend Shanna, and she called me on it too! She even coined that as one of my phrases in Reno..."I've got this on my Ipod" and "that's cute" (talking about hats and wigs as we tried them on).

One thing I've done with the songs is create playlists, one for each child, one for my husband and one for my memorial (just in case), full of songs that have deep meanings and messages and convey how I think/feel.

What do you have on your Ipods?

Sunday, April 27, 2008

Things that make you go Wiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii

So we spent our Sunday running around looking for a Nintendo Wii game system. My kids have been wanting one forever. They have been impossible to find and we've been on waiting lists forever. They've been asking for money for Xmas' and Birthdays and have been saving their Amazon gift certificates to put towards games etc. as well as doing extra chores. A bunch of ads came out in the paper today advertising them, but apparantly people were in line at 6am to gobble those up. We didn't head out until about 11am. After making the rounds to Game Crazy, Fred Meyer, Target, and Sears, we scored at Best Buy! So then they spent the rest of the afternoon playing Mario Smash Brothers and Sports. Spencer looked completely wiped out (with the Wii you actually have to exert yourself, swinging the bat at pitches and pitching and bowling etc). They were so happy. They had the boys across the street come over (all 3 of them!) and had a marathon Wii session. I hope they don't get Wii-itis (it's a real thing!!). It will be like Christmas all over again when the games from Amazon start arriving this week. They ordered Mario Cart ( a driving game?) and some Metroid Prime Hunters game, plus some extra controllers and steering wheels. I have a feeling it's going to be a week full of Wii after homework etc. is done!

Simba and I got out to enjoy the weather today and met Jacie and Mokey at the dog park for some playtime. I love Sunday's like this!

Hope everyone enjoyed theirs!


Saturday, April 26, 2008

Soccer's a Kick in the Grass!

The Red Magic won their game today, 5-0. They were up 5-0 about 1/2 way thru the first half and had to spend the rest of the game playing keep away. The other team had red jersies too, so our team wore the yellow pennies so we could tell them apart better! The coach moved them around a bit today, so Kaelin got a chance to play midfield and defense for a change. She really enjoyed that and said "it was fun!"

This next photo shows you how much bigger the other teams usually are. There are 3 girls on Kaelin's team that are 3rd graders, including her. The others are in 4th grade and the whole team is playing up in the 5th grade level, so they are quite a bit smaller! But they sure pack a punch for their size!

You probably think I favor my younger child since I never have any photos of Spencer on here! First of all, he's at the age where he won't let me take photos of him anymore. And secondly, he's pretty much quit all of his extracurricular activities and I don't have the opportunities anymore!
Today I dropped him off at the bowling alley to meet up with the Japanese Club (it wasn't cool for mom to stay and take photos of them bowling...). After they bowled, they went out for Sushi together. While he was doing that, I went next door to Borders Books and read my book. That was a nice treat.
We really don't have much else planned this weekend. Dave has a shooting clinic in Newberg tonight and basketball tomorrow too.
Last night Spencer went to work on a science project at his friends house and Kaelin and I went to the movies and saw "Forbidden Kingdom" with Jet Li and Jackie Chan. It actually was an interesting story and OMG the martial art fight scenes were incredible. Just absolutely amazing. I've got to get my kids back into martial arts. Spencer's a yellow belt and really enjoyed it. We've just had our hands full the last several years and it costs money. Why does everything have to cost money? LOL
Hope you all are enjoying the sunshine like we are!!
Have a great weekend!

Thursday, April 24, 2008

Raise your glasses....

as in eyeglasses.

I went to get my eyes checked today. I've been experiencing weird things. Blurry vision. Headaches. Nausea. Feeling like I am wearing someone elses glasses all of the time. Having to take off my glasses to read anything close. Even had an MRI to rule out the brain tumor thing. I explained this to my eye doc. He said that I was too young at 42 to need bi-focals. That it's not normal for a 42 year old woman. I told him that I have alot of things that aren't normal for a 42 year old woman, so I wouldn't be suprised at anything.

After the exam he told me the good news was that I didn't need bifocals. But my vision had changed significantly in the last year. Could be affected by the chemo. The weird thing is that my vision has improved. My current glasses and prescription are too powerful for my eyes! That it is like I'm wearing someone elses glasses. At least I wasn't imagining things and freaking out over nothing.

So tomorrow morning Paris is going to help me attempt to pick out a new pair of glasses after my failure to do so this afternoon.

I should have a new pair in about a week or so. Maybe something sparkly and red like our stylin' friend Kimberly??? ;)

It's weird to try and pick out glasses now that I have hardly any hair. I don't feel like myself and everything has changed about me. The length. The color. The style. The texture. It's like I'm looking in the mirror at someone else. Someone I don't know. How do I know what style of glassess this new person will like? Or look good in? Guess we'll see what happens tomorrow...

Sweet dreams.

More dark writing...

Some things I wrote the other night after coming out of my chemo fog and not being able to fall asleep until 8am!

The Storm by Shauna Berglund-Immel

The storm came in
quick and unexpected.
One day all was clear.
Blue skies and rainbows.
and the next...
dark clouds and thunder.
One minute all was well
with the world.
and the next...
Nothing would ever be right again.

Despair by Shauna Berglund-Immel

I have sobbed
a storm of sadness.
A torrential rain of tears.
A downpour of despair.
I have wept
until no tears remain.
I have cried
every last drop.
My sorrow is
empty and dry.
I have no tears left to spill.

That Once by Shauna Berglund-Immel

A chill set in over the valley.
Cold, dense and dark.
A fog creeped in
like an angry pack of bees.
Blocking out the light
that once warmed my skin.
That once lit my face.
My hope. My happiness.
Filling the peaceful air with
a monotonous hum that never stops.

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

More Name Meanings....

i couldn't resist. i had to type in simba's name. his is the best yet! it fits him to a tee!!!!!

Simba (our 1.5 year old labradoodle) means...

You are the total package - suave, sexy, smart, and strong.You have the whole world under your spell, and you can influence almost everyone you know.You don't always resist your urges to crush the weak. Just remember, they don't have as much going for them as you do.You tend to be pretty tightly wound. It's easy to get you excited... which can be a good or bad thing.You have a lot of enthusiasm, but it fades rather quickly. You don't stick with any one thing for very long.You have the drive to accomplish a lot in a short amount of time. Your biggest problem is making sure you finish the projects you start.You are confident, self assured, and capable. You are not easily intimidated.You master any and all skills easily. You don't have to work hard for what you want.You make your life out to be exactly how you want it. And you'll knock down anyone who gets in your way!You are full of energy. You are spirited and boisterous.You are bold and daring. You are willing to do some pretty outrageous things.Your high energy sometimes gets you in trouble. You can have a pretty bad temper at times.You are usually the best at everything ... you strive for perfection. You are confident, authoritative, and aggressive. You have the classic "Type A" personality.

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

What's in a name?

Stealing this idea from my friend Marlo's Blog.

What Shauna means:

You are the total package - suave, sexy, smart, and strong.You have the whole world under your spell, and you can influence almost everyone you know.You don't always resist your urges to crush the weak. Just remember, they don't have as much going for them as you do.You are truly an original person. You have amazing ideas, and the power to carry them out.Success comes rather easily for you... especially in business and academia.Some people find you to be selfish and a bit overbearing. You're a strong person.You are usually the best at everything ... you strive for perfection. You are confident, authoritative, and aggressive. You have the classic "Type A" personality.You are a very lucky person. Things just always seem to go your way.And because you're so lucky, you don't really have a lot of worries. You just hope for the best in life.You're sometimes a little guilty of being greedy. Spread your luck around a little to people who need it.You are very intuitive and wise. You understand the world better than most people.You also have a very active imagination. You often get carried away with your thoughts.You are prone to a little paranoia and jealousy. You sometimes go overboard in interpreting signals.

What Dave means:

You are balanced, orderly, and organized. You like your ducks in a row.You are powerful and competent, especially in the workplace.People can see you as stubborn and headstrong. You definitely have a dominant personality.You are usually the best at everything ... you strive for perfection. You are confident, authoritative, and aggressive. You have the classic "Type A" personality.You are very hyper. You never slow down, even when it's killing you.You're the type of person who can be a workaholic during the day... and still have the energy to party all night.Your energy is definitely a magnet for those around you. People are addicted to your vibe.You are friendly, charming, and warm. You get along with almost everyone.You work hard not to rock the boat. Your easy going attitude brings people together.At times, you can be a little flaky and irresponsible. But for the important things, you pull it together.

What Spencer means:

You are the total package - suave, sexy, smart, and strong.You have the whole world under your spell, and you can influence almost everyone you know.You don't always resist your urges to crush the weak. Just remember, they don't have as much going for them as you do.You are influential and persuasive. You tend to have a lot of power over people.Generally, you use your powers for good. You excel at solving other people's problems.Occasionally, you do get a little selfish and persuade people to do things that are only in your interest.You are friendly, charming, and warm. You get along with almost everyone.You work hard not to rock the boat. Your easy going attitude brings people together.At times, you can be a little flaky and irresponsible. But for the important things, you pull it together.You are very intuitive and wise. You understand the world better than most people.You also have a very active imagination. You often get carried away with your thoughts.You are prone to a little paranoia and jealousy. You sometimes go overboard in interpreting signals.You are very open. You communicate well, and you connect with other people easily.You are a naturally creative person. Ideas just flow from your mind.A true chameleon, you are many things at different points in your life. You are very adaptable.You are wild, crazy, and a huge rebel. You're always up to something.You have a ton of energy, and most people can't handle you. You're very intense.You definitely are a handful, and you're likely to get in trouble. But your kind of trouble is a lot of fun.

What Kaelin means:

You are a seeker of knowledge, and you have learned many things in your life.You are also a keeper of knowledge - meaning you don't spill secrets or spread gossip.People sometimes think you're snobby or aloof, but you're just too deep in thought to pay attention to them.You are usually the best at everything ... you strive for perfection. You are confident, authoritative, and aggressive. You have the classic "Type A" personality.You are friendly, charming, and warm. You get along with almost everyone.You work hard not to rock the boat. Your easy going attitude brings people together.At times, you can be a little flaky and irresponsible. But for the important things, you pull it together.You are relaxed, chill, and very likely to go with the flow.You are light hearted and accepting. You don't get worked up easily.Well adjusted and incredibly happy, many people wonder what your secret to life is.You tend to be pretty tightly wound. It's easy to get you excited... which can be a good or bad thing.You have a lot of enthusiasm, but it fades rather quickly. You don't stick with any one thing for very long.You have the drive to accomplish a lot in a short amount of time. Your biggest problem is making sure you finish the projects you start.You are very intuitive and wise. You understand the world better than most people.You also have a very active imagination. You often get carried away with your thoughts.You are prone to a little paranoia and jealousy. You sometimes go overboard in interpreting signals

What does your name mean? Take the name quiz yourself and find out!

Monday, April 21, 2008

Coming up for air....

Been MIA after a nasty week of chemo and other life tragedies and travesties. Sometimes life just doesn't make sense to me? Why does it have to be so hard sometimes? Why do people have to suffer so much? I just don't get it.

I've got a lot of catching up to do after basically being asleep for a week! Please be patient with me while I attempt to catch up this week!

Please everyone hug and hold your loved ones tight today and every day. Don't take a single day for granted. Tell people you love them now. Tell them how you feel. What they mean to you. Don't wait. You never know when you might not get the opportunity again. Life throws some unexpected curve balls. Things you never see coming. No regrets. Live each day like it's your last. It just might be. How do you want to spend your last day? Who do you want to spend it with? What do you want them to know??? What do you want to say? Don't hold back. No regrets.


Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Hugs going out to my dear friend Teri tonight

Just wanted you to know Teri that we are thinking about you and are so very sorry for your loss. Your friends are here if you need us. We love you with all of our hearts. Please lean on us.
Kim is in the blue, Teri in black, me in pink and Paris in by Paris taken in Teri's her classroom as we suprised her for her birthday last week.

Monday, April 14, 2008

Chemo was a Go

My blood counts were up so I was infused with poison today. I should be good for a few days and then feel like crud for a few more. I'm hoping to be good to go in time to see Kaelin play soccer at 9am on Saturday, but last round I didn't quite feel well enough until Sunday. I don't think that will keep me away though. I just may be cranky, so I apologize to some of you in advance. :)

They sent me home with a bag of Nupagen injections. I had to do this when I was doing the Folfox infusions every other week and not recovering fast enough after getting diagnosed. Every night for 10 days after getting my chemo, Dave would give me a shot in my stomach before bed to help recolonize my white blood cells. So I'm at his mercy and I have to be on my best behavior while he's wielding a needle!

Enjoy your week!!!

Saturday, April 12, 2008

Cross another thing off "My Bucket List!"

#20 on My Bucket List is to take Kaelin to see Cirque du Soleil.

Tomorrow (Sunday) is the last day. Last night (Friday), spur of the moment, I went online and bought tickets for my mom, Kaelin and I for the 8pm show tonight (Saturday) as a early Mother's Day gift for my mom and I, and a birthday gift for Kaelin. I wasn't going to do it because I couldn't really afford it, but then everyone I talked to told me "YOU HAVE TO TAKE KAELIN!" And then the other day, Kaelin says to me, "Mom, we haven't seen Cirque du Soleil yet and it ends on Sunday!" I decided that this could be the rest of her birthday gift to go along with her new soccer ball. And's on My Bucket List!!! Or it WAS! We had fun on the bike taxi from the parking lot to the tent. And the bicyclist took a great photo of the three of us together! Three generations! And might I add...what an awesome 85 degree day!!!!

We've never been to a Cirque du Soleil and OMG (oh my gosh!) it was amazing!!! Spectacular!Mesmerizing! Breathtaking! We were sitting on the edge of our seats the entire 2 hour show!! The acrobatics and tricks they performed were incredible. And with Kaelin being an elite acrobat herself, she could really appreciate the difficulty, strength and hard work it took. And being a rhythmic gymnast, she found the hoop and club (jugglers) tricks facinating. I think we all decided that the couple on the ropes were our favorite. Wow. I am speechless!

Well, we ended our day with Cirque Du Soleil, but we started our day with a 9am soccer game! Kaelin had an outstanding game and they won 5-0. Once they were up by 5 goals, they could only work on their passing as they weren't allowed to score any more out of respect for the other team. They were phenomenal in their control and teamwork today. Kaelin played right wing today and she made some amazing crosses, moves, passes and plays and set up some great goals.

One of the moms brought snacks from a Mexican bakery for after the game. Unfortunately Kaelin has her eyes closed in the next photo, but her smile says it all and check out the whip cream on her chin. It was so funny how most of the girls all had whip cream somewhere on their faces!

After the soccer game, Kaelin's Elite Acrobatics group had another Dance Competition. Here she is warming up before the competition. Their spider costumes are hot, so they put those on at the last minute. The middle splits, or straddle splits (probably her biggest strength)...

chest/chin stand....

All of the girls lined up in a line warming up their ripple and posing....

Kaelin and I after the show. Check out my hair growing in all salt and peppery. Check out my "faux hawk" too! Check out some spider photos here

A shout going out to Jaci for treating me to a pedicure on Friday! Check out my purple toes with flowers! They are smiling back up at me! (it's hard to see, but there is a rhinestone in the center of the flower). They make me so very happy!!! :) Thank you Jaci! And thanks to Yayoi for treating me to lunch at Fo Van afterwards! I was spoiled rotten and had the greatest day!!!

Monday, April 7, 2008

Rock Stars

Here are a few photos from Berit's 40th Birthday party.

Our neighbor Steve (sitting inbetween us) picked us up in a limo to take us to his wife Berit's 40th Birthday party!

We had a great time and enjoyed playing "Who Know's Berit Best?" and watching/listening to partygoers kareoke. I think it was "Berit's Birthday Idol."

Here's a photo of Birthday Girl Berit (center) and her backup singers...

It was a great night! Thanks for including us and letting us be rockstars for a night!
Chemo update: my chemo was postponed again. I was supposed to get chemo on Friday, but my platelets were too low, so it got postponed til today. I went in this morning for my blood tests and now my platelets are fine, but my bone marrow is too low for chemo. If I were to get chemo, it would totally wipe out my whole immune system. I guess it's just the effects from the chemo. My body is tired from it and needs longer to recover. According to the doctor, there isn't anything I can do or take to help matters. Just time to recover. So now my chemo is postponed until next Monday, as long as my blood tests come back ok. This alleviates my driving problems this week and now I'll be good to go for the 9am soccer game and 145pm dance competition on Saturday. And I can go out to lunch with my friend Yayoi and to Sue's monthly craft night Friday. So there is good in the bad. Always gotta look for the good. My doctor is going to prescribe nupogen shots for me after this next chemo to help with my white blood cell count.I used to get those after chemos when I did the 11 rounds of folfox every other week in 2007. I never seemed to have a problem with my counts being too low after doing that. So cross your fingers, toes, eyes, legs and heart for me. I really need to stay on my chemo schedule so I can keep knocking my CA125 down. It went down from 127 to 112 after the last round of chemo, and normal is 35 or below. I've got a ways to go still...
I'm excited for the championship game tonight. Kansas vs Memphis. I think Memphis might take the whole thing. They are just so strong, athletic, big and fast. But Kansas looks good too.
I'm even more excited for the girls championship game tomorrow night. Stanford vs Tennessee. One of Dave's players from Southridge HS, JJ Hones, plays for Stanford. Another local gal, Jillian Harmon does too. Always fun to see Dave's "kids" (as he calls them), play. Girls basketball sure has come a long way from when we used to play. Wow.
So go Cardnials!

Sunday, April 6, 2008

The Itsy Bitsy Spider

A few photos from Kaelin's dance performance today at St. Mary's. Her Elite Acro 3 group did the "Spiderdance". Her costume is kind of a cross between a spider and a bat! Funny thing about this whole thing is that Kaelin is TERRIFIED of spiders. I am not kidding. This girl freaks at insects. That and fire. She's scared of fire too. Her big phobias. She's not as tough as she wants people to believe!
Afterwards, we went and saw the movie "The Island of Nim". The kids liked it. I thought it was so-so. Jodie Foster was in it and man, her acting was horrible I thought. That suprised me!
Tomorrow I'm working out and then do my blood tests to see if my platelets are elevated enough to do chemo at 1pm. Spencer has a private lesson with Dave and 5 other 7th graders from his class at The Hoop at 4pm and Kaelin has Rhythmic Gymnastics from 530-830pm. So we have a busy day ahead of us.
Somewhere along the way I need to get the laundry done, the sheets on our beds changed and my house picked up and put back in order. Along with going through the pile of mail and paperwork that has piled up on the counters and my desk. Things are feeling out of control. Could be that I avoided all of my responsibilities this week and sat in Starbucks (my "office") for 3 days and read books and sipped java.
Hope everyone had a great weekend.
Love to you all!

The Peaceful Warrior

Has anyone seen this movie or read this book? We watched it tonight. It has great life lessons in it. It's very inspirational, motivating and thought provoking. It's about living in the now. This moment. Very deep stuff!

A little catch up from the weekend:

Friday my chemo was canceled because my platelets were low. So it was rescheduled for Monday. Was glad not to go through it, but was sad that it will mess up my schedule next week. I'm hoping to be good to go by Sat. for a 9am soccer game and a dance competiton in the afternoon. May have issues driving Wed - Fri too. We'll see how I feel and if Dave or someone can cover the kids.

A little good CA125 after my first round of carboplatten went down from 127 to 112. Not significant, but moving in the right direction. Normal is 35 or less. My oncologist talked about getting another CT scan after the next round to see what those spots on my omentum and bladder are doing.

A little bad Bruins lost. I had a bad feeling after seeing Memphis crush Texas last week. I knew it was going to be a tough one for us. Both of my teams from my brackets lost (NC and UCLA) so I'm out of the running for the winnings. Now who to cheer for, Memphis or Kansas? I'd go with the underdog, but there isn't one!

Last night I had the priveledge of attending a suprise bday party for a dear friend at the Capitol Cafe and Bistro. Great food, great conversation and great company. I think all of the ladies had a great time. Happy Birthday Elizabeth!

And today Elizabeth spoiled me rotten and treated me to a manicure! :) Thank you!!!! Man, a girl could used to that! I just got a french manicure, but Elizabeth got all glamorous with gold polish for the school auction tonight and both of her daughters got funky flowers and gems painted on theirs! It's amazing what they do with nails nowadays!

We spent the morning at Kaelin's soccer game. Her team won 8-3, but every time they were up by 5 pts, they weren't allowed to score. Boy was it sure cold this am!!! The coach said Kaelin had some great crosses, but that what he found funny is that on a balance beam, Kaelin would have the best balance out of everyone, but on the soccer field, she can't seem to keep her balance! She ended up on the wet grass alot. No wonder she was so cold! Looking at the photos I took, I think I've found the problem. When she kicks, her whole body twists around. That has to throw her off! Check out the photo to see what I'm talking about!

Hope everyone is having a great weekend! We're spending Sunday at a dance performance! Kaelin's Spiderdance Elite Acro group is performing at the Spring Showcase at St. Mary's in downtown at 4pm!

Thursday, April 3, 2008

Hollow Dreams

Hollow Dreams
by Shauna Berglund-Immel

The tree,
which once stood strong, proud and majestic,
now sits silent and alone in the forest.
Invaded by unwanted weeds and ivy.
Stripping it of it's dignity.
Strangling it.
Choking it.
Stealing it's sunlight and water.
It's very breath.
Bringing disease and destruction.
Infested with termites.
Eating away at it's core.
Stealing it's beauty and health.
Leaving it to waste away.
From the inside out.
A hollow shell of itself.

This was a piece I wrote in my Writing Workshop yesterday. Our facilitator passed around oil pastels and colored pencils and had us pick a couple of each. Then she told us to draw a tree. The Roots representing our strengths, the trunk our core and the leaves/foilage our hopes and dreams. We then were instructed to write words within those areas of our drawing. And then we had a timed writing inspired by what we had just done. Or we could use the prompts "As I grow..." or "I root...I reach..." The above piece is what came out of me although my tree had strong, deep roots, a big strong trunk and many branches that continued off the page. It was a very full tree, full of leaves and leaves falling to the ground, piling up at the base of the tree as well.

Our last assignment of the workshop series was a timed writing using the prompts "why do I write?" or "What still needs to be written?"

by Shauna Berglund-Immel

My future still needs to be written.
To be lived and put down on paper.
Journeys still to take.
Love and life still to share.
My story is not complete.
Like a good book you've just started and can't put down.
Anxious and eager to get lost in the adventures.
To see how it turns out.
To get my happily ever after...

I'm so sad this was our last class. :( I've decided to continue to use that time every week to write for myself and my family. I've invited the gals in my group to join me if they wish. We can each come up with our own writing prompts, maybe take turns. Writing prompts are everywhere. This workshop has really helped me to channel my anger and my fears. It's given me a safe, healthy way to deal with them. To get them out. To share them. It's really caused me to dig deep. It's been very therapeutic for me.

Update on the two ladies from my support group. There is good news, and bad news:

Penny's surgery took about 6+hours, she is doing well and in ICU for at least 24hours. A kidney and adrenal were removed along with a portion of her liver, in addition there was some tumor on her urethra and they removed a portion of that. The good news was that she had no tumors on the spleen or pancreas so they left those alone. There was quite a bit of blood loss so she did get some transfusions.Word is 24 hours at least in the ICU, and 7-10 days total in the hospital. Word is that she will be out of ICU and in a regular room tomorrow. I hope to get to go see her soon. I have chemo tomorrow but maybe I'll stop by on my way home from it since I'll probably feel my best tomorrow anyways.

Jackie passed away this morning. She was just at our support group and writing workshop 2 weeks ago. She had shared with us that her chemo wasn't working. I wrote her a card and brought it the following week and she wasn't there to give it to. So I brought it the next week, thinking she'd be there. She wasn't, so I mailed it. I'm not sure it got to her in time. I hope so. I hope she knew how much she meant to me. How great of a lady I thought she was. How beautiful her writing was. How much she touched my heart. I wished I had hugged her tighter. Talked to her more. Said what I wanted to say when I had the chance. I will miss her dearly.

YOu never know if it will be the last time you see/talk to someone. Accidents happen. Life changes in an instant. Say what you want to say. Leave nothing unsaid. Let people know how you feel now. Don't wait for later. They might not be around to hear you later. And what a shame for them not to know how much they've impacted your life. Or how much you love and care about them. Don't hold grudges. Forgive. Let the past be the past. Open up yourselves and your heart. Reach out and touch those in your life. Leave nothing unsaid. No regrets.


Wednesday, April 2, 2008

My Little April Fool

Wow. I can't believe my baby is 9! And that's no joke! (Notice the photo Nic?:)
Miguel's dad, Courtland, made and sent home a fabulous, amazing, tasty cake with her today. Thank you!!! Oh man, that was some cake!!!
The only thing she knew she wanted for her birthday, was a soccer ball. So after school we stopped at Tursi's Soccer Store and she got to pick out her own ball (not the one I would have picked for her!).
We then went to Krispy Kreme Donuts and picked up 2 dozen donuts to hand out after soccer practice. But before soccer practice we met my mom, dad, Dave and Spencer at Kaelin's restaurant of choice for dinner - Red Robin! She chowed down a grilled cheese sandwich (she used to call them Girlz Cheese when she was little), french fries dipped in ranch dressing and a caesar salad before running off to practice from 6-730pm. The girls on her team sang "Happy Birthday Cha Cha Cha" and seemed thrilled with the donuts. I still think they think it's an April Fool's joke.
So what do you get a girl that doesn't want anything? Or know what she wants? She doesn't like clothes. Or "stuff". Or dolls. Or jewerly. Or even Legos very much anymore. She really doesn't like anything right now it seems. So instead of buying her something and giving it to her, I decided to take her shopping after practice. We first stopped at Baskin Robbins for an ice cream cone. (French Vanilla is her favorite). She then wanted to go to Game Crazy and find an XBox game. But nothing tickled her fancy. So we went to Toys R Us. Problem was, it was closing in 5 minutes at 9pm. She ran in, looked at their games and ended up with a Nintendo DS game called "Bleach", based on the Manga book series she's been reading. I don't think she really wanted it all that much, but wanted something "tangible". Spencer did give her a Wii game and strategy guide (except we don't have a Wii yet. He's been saving his money...) and the latest Bleach manga book this morning before school. There's just nothing out there that she wants right now. So how do you please a 9 year old girl? Besides a new soccer ball? She's impossible!!!
We ended up getting home at 930pm, at which point she showered the mud off of her from soccer practice. She didn't even get to play her new games. I hope she wasn't disappointed. I think the highlight of her day was the Krispy Kremes to be quite honest. LOL
Kaelin McKenzie Immel...Happy Birthday Girlfriend! You were born 9 years ago today at Meridian Park Hospital in Tualatin. I was induced 2 weeks early (I grow big babies!) on April Fool's Day. Unlike Spencer, you flew right out. I think I only had to push for 15 minutes total. I might have been in labor for an hour or two. It was like a day at the spa for me. You were 8"7oz and like 23" long I think. You broke your collar bone coming out. I wanted a cheese burger so badly after you were born. I'll never forget that cheeseburger. It was the best one I've ever had in my entire life. It tasted so good! I remember that they took you away from me and put you in the nursery with the other babies so I could sleep. But I couldn't stop thinking about you. I got out of bed and walked down the hall to the nursery. I couldn't keep my eyes off of you. I asked them to bring you back to me. Spencer was so proud to be your big brother. And you were facinated by him. You couldn't keep your eyes off of him. They followed his every move. You always had to know what he was up to. Even to this day! You've always been a ball of energy, never able to sit still. Everything is fast and furious with you. We used to call you "Tazzy, the Tasmanian She-Devil". You left chaos and destruction in your path wherever you went! You were a force to be reckoned with. You had two switches, "fast" and "off". You are your own person. You know what you want, and what you don't want. And you don't settle for anything less than what you want. You remind me so much of myself in so many ways. And you teach me so much about myself. You make me a better person. I love you dear, sweet girl. I love all of you, chaos and all. I love you just the way you are. I love you because you are you and nobody else. You know who you are and who you aren't. I'm very proud to be your mom and proud of the human being you are becoming. Hold onto your dreams. Reach for the stars. Be all that you can be. You can do anything you set your heart and mind to. I know you can. I believe in you. Always. Happy 9th Birthday. I love you and that's no joke! Happy April Fool's Day Birthday Girl!