The Life Boat
by Shauna Berglund Immel
Life is like a Cruise Ship.
Like the Carnival Line.
Exciting and fun.
Sailing over the waters with ease.
Without a care in the world.
Dolphins jump in the wake.
Like a marching band
leading a float in a parade.
Waves break against the bough (bow?)
Turning water into mist
like confetti falling.
Dancing in the salty air
like fairies in flight.
I stand at the helm,
taking in the beauty of the beyond
and pondering the endless possibilities
as far as the eye can see
Like the ocean.
The places I can go.
The things I can see.
I breathe in the scent of the sea
Savoring the salty aroma
The salt air tickles my face
as we sail head on into the wind.
Full speed ahead.
But the ocean
and Mother Nature,
Clouds move in like shadows
as the solitude of the still blue sky
turns to chaos.
once a soft, warm breeze,
picks up speed
and the wet sprinkles on your face,
which once felt like soft kisses
now sting like a swarm of bees.
The seas swell
and the ocean waves,
once like a steady, mesmerizing heartbeat
Slap the side of the ship with force
Tossing it around
like a toy ship at odds
with a raging, swirl of sea.
So small and fragile.
No match for the strenght of the sea,
The ship takes on water
Like the weight of the world.
Beginning to go under.
Sinking deeper into the abyss.
Until all that is left
is but a tiny rowboat
adrift in the storm.
Friday, August 28, 2009
The Life Boat
Thursday, August 20, 2009
First of all, Meryl Streep is BRILLIANT as Julia Child. What an actress that woman is!
Second of all, I could really relate to the character, Julie, whose husband has the idea to start a blog and helps her set it up (mine did the same for me!) and then who encourages her along the way. Through the process of blogging, she finds herself, her life, her passion and her joy as she connects with her blog readers and realizes that she needs them, just as much as they need her! She realizes her blog saved her.
I experienced this very same thing when I was diagnosed with cancer and began my blog. It became my friend. My companion. Always ready to listen and encourage. And once people began commenting and supporting me, and telling me I inspire them, it was like a drug. I needed it just as much as my readers needed me. It gave me a place to share my fears, my joy, my journey. It saved me from falling into that great black abyss of grief and depression. It gave me purpose. It turned a negative into a positive. I was helping people!
So thank you for being here. For visiting me and my blog. For listening. Caring. For saving me.
What a reminder of why I started the blog and the joy I get from writing.
Thursday, August 13, 2009
Wellsphere is the fastest-growing consumer health website, and is revolutionizing the way people find and share health and healthy living information and support. They recently merged with the Health Central Network, Inc, and together they are serving more than 10 million people a month!
I am very honored to be a part of this community and look forward to this journey together.
Thank you all for the continued support! I couldn't do this without you all.
Here is my latest history:
The highest mine has ever been was 176ish just after diagnosis and before major surgery. Lowest it has ever been is 22, right after my major surgery.
Always a bit confusing because it seems when my numbers peak, is when I feel and look (or so people say) my best. I just can't figure this cancer out. Hard to fight something that makes no sense. I wish they would hurry up and find a cure already. I could sure use one about now.
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
Shauna Berglund Immel has escaped from the Chemo Suite and is on the run
with "Fillup", my chemo pump for the next 46 hours. Oh boy we're gonna have
My friend Ahn: Trust you to come up with a funny name for your chemo pump!
You're incredible, how do you always stay so positive?
My resonsponse: It's better than being miserable. When you have a limited amount of time, do you want to enjoy it or be miserable? I have my moments! Ask my family! Escapes help: playdates, movies, coffee dates, lunches, books, support groups, journaling classes, etc. Facebook! Contact with friends. The support I receive is so overwhelming, I can't help but be positive back.
It's not easy. It totally sucks. I get up every single morning and look for my happy face hanging in my closet to put on. And my cape. Usually on the floor needing ironing. I wouldn't do this for anyone but my kids. Not myself. Not my husband. It's so freaking hard and it doesn't get any easier. Only harder.
See, I'm not always positive!
Friday, August 7, 2009
I am hanging in there. My numbers have creeped back up. CA125 normal is 35 or below. Last blood draw (last week) was up to 155. My oncologist was giving me a month of treatment (FOLFOX = oxciliplatin, avastin and 5FU in the pump) to see if it would come back down. I meet with her on Monday and have my next round. I'm going every other week now. It gets very old!
I've lost 40# since my trip to the Galapagos Islands (May 7). My digestive system is so messed up and I haven't been able to eat or drink much and keeping it down is also a chore at times. Luckily I had it to lose and more, but being a cancer/chemo patient, losing weight isn"t always a good thing (or so my doctor tells me!). I also think that when they stopped the steroids (had a bad episode where they ODed me on Steroids and I went into drug induced psychosis?), it caused me to let go of some of the bloated look that goes along with them.
I've been living life large, and in full color during my good weeks and hanging low during the bad chemo weeks. But I'm grateful for the good weeks and the perspective I have gained on priorities, etc through this journey.
All of my photos are on my pc, which is down at the moment, so I'm going to have trouble posting photos for a bit. Please be patient with me as I ease back into this blogging addiction! I must say I have missed it and you all!
Thanks for being there for me and checking in on me and being so patient! It's good to be back among the posting!