Thursday, April 3, 2008

Hollow Dreams

Hollow Dreams
by Shauna Berglund-Immel

The tree,
which once stood strong, proud and majestic,
now sits silent and alone in the forest.
Invaded by unwanted weeds and ivy.
Stripping it of it's dignity.
Strangling it.
Choking it.
Stealing it's sunlight and water.
It's very breath.
Bringing disease and destruction.
Infested with termites.
Eating away at it's core.
Stealing it's beauty and health.
Leaving it to waste away.
From the inside out.
A hollow shell of itself.

This was a piece I wrote in my Writing Workshop yesterday. Our facilitator passed around oil pastels and colored pencils and had us pick a couple of each. Then she told us to draw a tree. The Roots representing our strengths, the trunk our core and the leaves/foilage our hopes and dreams. We then were instructed to write words within those areas of our drawing. And then we had a timed writing inspired by what we had just done. Or we could use the prompts "As I grow..." or "I root...I reach..." The above piece is what came out of me although my tree had strong, deep roots, a big strong trunk and many branches that continued off the page. It was a very full tree, full of leaves and leaves falling to the ground, piling up at the base of the tree as well.

Our last assignment of the workshop series was a timed writing using the prompts "why do I write?" or "What still needs to be written?"

by Shauna Berglund-Immel

My future still needs to be written.
To be lived and put down on paper.
Journeys still to take.
Love and life still to share.
My story is not complete.
Like a good book you've just started and can't put down.
Anxious and eager to get lost in the adventures.
To see how it turns out.
To get my happily ever after...

I'm so sad this was our last class. :( I've decided to continue to use that time every week to write for myself and my family. I've invited the gals in my group to join me if they wish. We can each come up with our own writing prompts, maybe take turns. Writing prompts are everywhere. This workshop has really helped me to channel my anger and my fears. It's given me a safe, healthy way to deal with them. To get them out. To share them. It's really caused me to dig deep. It's been very therapeutic for me.

Update on the two ladies from my support group. There is good news, and bad news:

Penny's surgery took about 6+hours, she is doing well and in ICU for at least 24hours. A kidney and adrenal were removed along with a portion of her liver, in addition there was some tumor on her urethra and they removed a portion of that. The good news was that she had no tumors on the spleen or pancreas so they left those alone. There was quite a bit of blood loss so she did get some transfusions.Word is 24 hours at least in the ICU, and 7-10 days total in the hospital. Word is that she will be out of ICU and in a regular room tomorrow. I hope to get to go see her soon. I have chemo tomorrow but maybe I'll stop by on my way home from it since I'll probably feel my best tomorrow anyways.

Jackie passed away this morning. She was just at our support group and writing workshop 2 weeks ago. She had shared with us that her chemo wasn't working. I wrote her a card and brought it the following week and she wasn't there to give it to. So I brought it the next week, thinking she'd be there. She wasn't, so I mailed it. I'm not sure it got to her in time. I hope so. I hope she knew how much she meant to me. How great of a lady I thought she was. How beautiful her writing was. How much she touched my heart. I wished I had hugged her tighter. Talked to her more. Said what I wanted to say when I had the chance. I will miss her dearly.

YOu never know if it will be the last time you see/talk to someone. Accidents happen. Life changes in an instant. Say what you want to say. Leave nothing unsaid. Let people know how you feel now. Don't wait for later. They might not be around to hear you later. And what a shame for them not to know how much they've impacted your life. Or how much you love and care about them. Don't hold grudges. Forgive. Let the past be the past. Open up yourselves and your heart. Reach out and touch those in your life. Leave nothing unsaid. No regrets.



My name is Shanna said...

Well, the last paragraph that you wrote is exactly what I needed to read right now. I am struggling right now and needed that perspective for things that I am working on. I might have to print it and take it along. I am journaling alot right now and have been collecting things that inspire thoughts. Thanks for sharing your thoughts, I cherish them.

I love you, twin.

Nightscrapper said...

Oh UCLA, you have such a talent for words. I'm always amazed and touched by what you have to say. You last paragraph touched me dearly, as I sit here in tears...Thank you for reminding us.

I'm so sorry to hear about Jackie. It was just a few days ago that you told us she went into hospice. Seemed so fast. The only good news is that she is not longer in pain. Her family will be in our prayers.

Glad to hear that Penny is doing well. Now to get her through recovery and on her way to healing.

You asked about my grandson having a nickname, yes, we call him Nathan or Nate, sometimes. My nickname for him is, "Who's grandma's favorite boy?" I always call him that and he now responds. LOL

Thanks for inspiration
Luv ya girl!

Paris said...

I'm so sorry to hear about your friend Jackie. My heart is with her loved ones. I'm so glad that Penny will be out of ICU soon. I pray that she has a fast recovery.

Your writing, once again, is so powerful. I'm glad that it has been therapeutic for you. You should definitely keep doing it! It is a gift for us all.

I second the "no regrets" feelings... leave nothing unsaid. I've been trying so hard to live my life like that. That being said, I hope you know how much you mean to me... love ya to pieces my friend. I cherish every minute we have together.

I hope chemo goes okay this morning. Looking forward to you feeling better soon and walking again. Bring back that sunshine!!! Looks like I'll be bouncing on my little trampoline today instead of going out for a walk. Gotta love Oregon, eh? :)

LMK if there is anything I can help out with during chemo/recovery. I'd love to bring dinner again... maybe on Monday?

Love and big hugs to you, P

Laura Nicholas said...

Hey girl -
so sorry to hear about Jackie. It just amazes me what powerful people you have surrounding you. No wonder you can write the way you do...

Tess - Sandy's daughter, she is a friend of Penny's daughter... What a small world. But I am glad to hear that she is doing well. I hope that she has a speedy recovery.

And yeah yeah yeah, you are right. The plate is supposed to be getting smaller not bigger. But really it isn't getting bigger, it is getting rearranged in order of priority. I am working on things as they fall on the list of importance. The things that are not important, are not being addressed...

Thinking of you today as you go to chemo. Hugs to you my friend!


Anonymous said...

I love your writings Shauna, truly love them. When will you begin your book, or will these be part of it, hmmmm it's time to start, you are amazing!

So fun to see you and Simba yesterday at the dog park. Can't believe Moki wimped out after 1/2 hour but I needed to leave and get Alaina regardless.

So sorry to hear about your friend Jackie. The good news is that is in a fantastic place and out of any pain. The hard part is those left behind and the wholes they now have without her there. Big hug my friend!

I pray chemo goes well. Let me know if there is anything you need. We will be downtown Sunday for both the first and second dance/acro shows. I'd be happy to take Kaelin is you aren't feeling up to it but she'd need to watch the first show too like Alaina. I'm hoping to see your smiling face there!

Know you are constantly in my thoughts and prayers Shauna!

Off to walk Miss Moki in the rain, ugh.


Anonymous said...

Hi Shauna. I'm so sorry to hear about Jackie. Gosh your poems are so beautiful, they bring me tears everytime. Love to you.

JO said...

Hi Shauna: Just thinking about you and hope your chemo went well today. I am glad that it doesn't bother you as much as the previous ones did.

Your writings are so wonderful. You have said that you would like to publish a book. Well, you should do it. You have a real gift for writing.

Enjoy the weekend. I know you have lots of things going on. IF you haven't seen Penny yet, I plan on going next week. I thought maybe she would have lots of company on the weekend. Let me know if you would like to meet me there. Okay? Looking forward to seeing you on Wednesday, if not before.

Love, JO

laura said...

i'm so sorry about your friend. :(

your post was beautifully written. all of it! (((hugs)))