I see the light....

Cycle 2, round 2 of carbo taxol not so much fun. I'm finally starting to feel like I'm making the turn. This time I slept the whole time. I think it was harder on me in a different way though. Last round I couldn't sleep and was awake to feel every discomfort. This time I was wiped out. And I'm not recovering as quickly. Didn't get that burst of energy I had before when I made the turn. The kids and I did declutter/organize the game/movie bookcase in the family room today and that about did me in. I also helped with dinner and we watched National Treasure on DVD. But I'm still feeling queasy and my insides are not um..."stable." LOL And I'm nursing a sore throat. Oh, and my shiney bald head (with fuzz hair growing back?????) is covered in some rash. Lovely. Not only am I bald, I'm bald and red and bumpy. You think I could catch a break eh?

I'm still planning to take off to Reno, but want to recover and not rush this time. I want to feel prepared. I have all of my medical records in hand (thanks Paris!) and I have some paperwork and loose ends to tie up and some more arrangements to make. I guess it's a good thing we didn't go when we were supposed to because of that big winter storm that blew up the coast and put Reno under water!

I was hoping to go into work tomorrow, but I think I may need another day or two to get my feet under me. They say your immune system is the weakest at day 7. Today is day 7. We'll see how I feel when I get up to take the kids to school.

I've been feeling blue all week. A dear dear lady in my Stage 4 Women with Metastatice Cancer (aka "The Death Squad" - more on that later) passed away this week. I didn't know her well, but man, she lit up the room like a chandeleir. She was so kind, sweet, loving, positive and supportive. You sought out her presence. It felt good to stand in her light. It made you feel all warm and fuzzy. I can't believe she's gone. I really can't. I can't imagine going to group on Wednesday and her not being there. I just saw her. And she looked well. She sounded well. She was happy. She had just gone to a holiday concert with some other ladies from group and was all inspired and even told us how after hearing the beautiful music they stood up and yelled "I'm cured." She was laughing and giggling as she told the story. It just doesn't seem possible or real. My heart just breaks for her family and close friends. If I feel about her the way that I do, imagine how those who really knew and loved her are feeling...the loss and emptiness that has replaced that light in their life. Although I can bet you that she's the brightest star up in the sky tonight.

And then there is the matter of 3 other ladies from group that have recently gone on hospice. One is still coming to group, one is hanging in there with the help of pain meds and the third isn't expected to last but a few days. Her two daughters are scrambling around trying to plan her service and seeking donations to cover it before it happens. If anyone is interested in helping her daughters with a small monetary donation, email me shaunaimmel@verizon.net and I will send you their snail mail address where you can send a check to help cover cremation expenses. They firgured they needed to raise about $1,000. Thank you for holding all of these women and families in your hearts. I can't imagine how much it must hurt for them, as I am hurting and I am so far removed from the big picture.

Give kisses, hugs and hold your loved ones close. Tell them you love them. Be patient with them. Enjoy them. Do what you love and love what you do. Time and love are so precious and in the big scheme of things, they are the only things that really matter. Nothing else is or should be as important. Life is so unpredictable and can be cut much shorter than expected. You never know. Live your life with no regrets. Start now. Today. No regrets.

xoxoxo
Shauna