Another Star in Heaven

In Loving Memory of Etta Romonofsky 1934 - August 18, 2008
This is a photo of our Women with Metastatic Stage 4 Cancer Support Group. We meet every Wednesday from 11-1230pm. This photo was taken in front of the quilt that our group made to hang in the meeting room at St. Vincent's Hospital. It was taken for an article in a newspaper about our group. Etta is the dear, sweet soul sitting in the wheel chair in the center front. I'm in the pink in the back and the two ladies in the blue on the back right are the moderators. My buddy Jo is standing to the left of me.

We all adored Etta, a strong Jewish woman from New York. She was part of our family. I can't believe she's gone. I'm so mad at myself. I missed group last week, which I never do, and she had come after not being there for awhile. I was feeling sorry for myself and just didn't feel up to going. I also have been meaning to send her a card and to go visit her at the new hospice place she had been moved to. I kept putting it off trying to deal with my insecurities and now it's too late. I was actually afraid to go see her. Afraid to see her so weak and frail. I had this problem with my two grandmothers too when they were in homes and not doing well. I didn't want to remember them like that. I wanted to remember them vibrant and strong and full of life and love. It hurt too much for me to see them suffering and weak. Etta was like another Grandmother to me. I thought of her like that. I have never forgiven myself for being weak and scared and afraid to see my grandmothers in that state. For not being strong enough for them. Or for Etta. I am going to miss her terribly. I can't imagine group without her. I will miss her and will be glad to know she is out of pain and in peace and that she wasn't alone when she died. She was surrounded by her loving family and friends. Goodbye my sweet friend.

I also want to send my love, prayers and support out to the Senior family, who just lost a loved one to cancer as well. My heart is with you and yours.

xoxoxo
Shauna

p.s. Spent 6 hours at Kaiser today visiting with my oncologist, getting blood tests done and infusing with my chemo program. She says she wants me to try and get through 12 rounds of this chemo program total, I just did round 7 today. Sigh. She also wants to do another CT Scan to see if taking out the Oxcilliplatin (the nasty chemo agent that I developed an allergy to and the one that is very aggressive and causes the nasty side effects) is hurting me. That will be Sept. 10th. I won't get my CA125 cancer marker blood tests back for several days. I'll keep you posted.

p.s.s. The boy in my son's class who was involved in that airplane/beach house accident in Gearheart was released from the hospital and is at home now recouping. Our thoughts and prayers are with him as he heals and his family heals. We hope his mother and sister can join him soon.

p.s.s.s This week is so busy with the Portland Timbers soccer camp for Spencer at PGE Park, soccer practice for both kids, dance and gymnastics for Kaelin, martial arts for Spencer, my support group and reading at a Write Around Portland fundraising party of one of the Board Members, and 3 parties for Kaelin to attend!!!!

I did take Spencer school supply shopping on Sunday, having to drag him kicking and screaming to do it! He needed to get a new calculator and they reccommend the TI-84, as it's the one they use in High School (next year!). It was like $150!!! And it looks so complicated! I would never be able to figure it out! It hooks up to the pc and stuff. Thank goodness I don't have to take math!!! Also had to buy him non black soled shoes for PE and a rolling backpack, as he carries his whole cubby/locker around with him! We don't usually go school shopping because my kids aren't shoppers and they can wear their summer clothes and shorts til October. We usually just buy stuff as needed. So that's a relief to have the school shopping out of the way already. I'm ahead of the game for once.

I'm such an Olympic junkie right now. A total addict. I haven't been reading cuz I've been watching the Olympics and I haven't been sleeping either! Been staying up all night watching. I can't get enough. I can't tear myself away. I can't believe how fast that Bolt guy from Jaimaica waas!!!! OMG! Blew me away. I was loving swimming and now I am loving the track and field and beach volleyball.

Hope you all have a good week full of peace and love. Remember to live each day like it's your last. Don't put things or people off. You never know, they might not be there tomorrow. Tell people how you feel now, while you can. Don't wait. Say what you mean and mean what you say. Live life to the fullest. Like there is no tomorrow. No regrets.

Another Angel in Heaven

Laura Rachel Allan

I met Laura in Reno while we were there for alternative therapy. We spent every day infusing together for 3 weeks. I'll never forget seeing her on the first day. She looked like she wasn't going to make it through the day. It was amazing to see her each day and see the life come back into her. By the end of our trip, as you can see from the photos, she became stronger, healthier and more alive. She regained color and vitality. She brought tears to my eyes when she'd sit there and play her guitar and sing songs to us as we were all infusing for 3 hours at a time together. She sang like an angel. It was so amazing that such a strong voice came out of such a small, weak person. It gave me so much hope and filled me with strength. It was so fun when she came in with her new wigs.

She was so happy and upbeat and relaxed and low key. She was very mellow, just like you'd imagine a musician to be.

Several days ago, my friend Shanna who visited me in Reno, asked me about Laura and if I'd heard from her. I told her I had sent her a Christmas card, but hadn't heard back from her. I told her I needed to email her or something. Shanna then went and googled her and a couple of days ago informed me that she had passed in May, after a 6 month battle with Uterine cancer. Here are a few links associated with Laura and her music and life. She had a very successful music career and wrote songs for and played with some big names in the industry. Her mother, who died in a tragic car accident in 2006, was a revered professor at Cal Berkeley.

http://jennselke.blogspot.com/2008/05/passing-of-laura-allan.html

http://waxidermy.com/2006/07/14/laura-allan-reflections/

http://forums.tvland.com/tvln/blog/article?message.uid=417948

http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2008/06/08/MNALLANLAU1.DTL

This has hit me pretty hard. This disease is so unpredictable and stealth and one week the patients are fine and the next week, they're gone. I've seen this happen with the ladies in my support group time and time again. It breaks my heart. And it scares the daylights out of me. I'm tired of losing people to this nasty disease. I don't want to be lost either. It's so hard to watch without thinking of yourself and wondering when your time will come. If you'll know. If you'll be ready to let go. Why did she live only 6 months after diagnosis? Why am I still here 2 years later after mine? How long do I really have? It just stirs up so much emotional stuff. Which never goes away. It's always there. Lurking. The doubt. The fear. The pain. It sucks ya know?

Anyways, I didn't mean for this post to be a woe is me, but more of a tribute to my dear friend Laura who I just learned passed in May. I love the inscription she wrote on her CD she gave me while in Reno. It reads "for my Shauna...my wig buddy and IV drip line Bag Bud. I love you all at once and feel so close to you." She autographed it and wrote the date, 02-08-08. That was one day before we left to fly home. She made my Reno experience so special and magical and soulful.

Here's a song she sang us while we were there, titled "I'm in Good Shape" (for the shape I'm in).
I will miss her presence in this world and want to thank her for walking in this world with me. She was a warrior and she never gave up fighting. Goodbye my friend. I'll see you again someday and can't wait to sit at your feet and listen to you sing...

xoxox
Shauna

Weekend Wrap Up

The kids helped me with my to do list on Saturday before going over to my in-laws for the weekend. What a big help they were cleaning up my house! Dave and I then went and saw "Pineapple Express" which was pretty funny. It's by the same people as "The 40 Year Old Virgin" and "Knocked Up", so you have to have that sort of sense of humor to really enjoy it. There were definately some parts that I LOLed at. It was basically about a couple of "stoners" so it was hard to relate to, but they were fun to laugh at just the same. Are people really like that? And SethRonen or whatever the actors name, made an appearance in his tightie whities and that was hysterical! James Franco, who played Peter Parker's BFF in "Spiderman" before turning all evil, was supirsingly perfect for the part!

I am so grateful that my kids were able to spend the weekend at my in-laws because I so so so needed a break from them!!! It seems we have spent so much time together this summer and that they are at that age where they are either bickering, tattling on each other or having so much fun together they are wild banchies running through my house! And if you've ever been to my house, the layout is such that it is just one big room! It's impossible to even escape inside your head sometimes! It was so nice not to have to feed, nag, referee, tell them to go to bed, etc! And my house stayed clean and picked up while they were gone! It was a treat! We spent some time at the dog parks and the book store and I actually spent a lot of time just sitting on the couch in the peace and quiet and reading magazines, newspapers, folding laundry and watching the Olympics.

Actually, speaking of the Olympics, how much fun was it to see the USA take that 400m relay? I stayed up much too late last night watching the women's volleyball. My mom reminded me that when I was about Kaelin's age, she couldn't drag me away from the Olympics on TV. And that she'd find me out in the yard or driveway jumping over trash cans. Must have been the hurdler or highjumper in me! Dave has been lacking sleep too due to the Olympics. He had to watch the men's basketball of course.

A shout out to the Murray Hill, Beaverton Little League team who represented Oregon at the Regionals in San Bernidino California! What a run they had before losing to the Mill Creek, Washington team in the finals. It was on ESPN and was fun to watch, even if the game televised before it went into extra innings and we didn't get to really "see" the game until the 6th inning! We are so proud of them and what a great experience that was for them! Wow!!! Way to go guys! You ROCK!

Not much else to report around here. It's back to soccer for both kids, Spencer is doing martial arts and Kaelin is still doing elite acrobatics and rhythmic gymnastics. Looking forward to my week off of chemo and an open upcoming weekend again, with nothing on the docket! Thinking about maybe heading out for a day at the beach before school starts.

I still have yet to tackle the mess I made in my living room when I was cleaning out cupboards and going through boxes of scrapbooking/cardmaking/craft supplies, paperwork and momentos. I just don't want to deal with it, so I don't. I run away and go to movies, read books and meet friends for coffee instead. It's time I deal. All the things I had on my to do list for the summer are still there. Unfinished as usual. I just don't want to spend my weeks off of chemo doing that. Ugh. Chemo Mondays come so quickly and off chemo weeks go so fast. I'm getting so darn tired of it. It's so freaking old I tell ya! I just want my life back. I want some sense of normal. This just doesn't feel normal to me. It's like I don't recognize my life or myself anymore! Anyways, that's all the whining I'm going to do about that.

I do have jury duty coming up August 23rd. I tried to get out of it, but only got it postponed because it was scheduled for a chemo week last time. Hopefully that will be short and sweet and it won't be long and dragged out because I definately don't want to spend my off chemo week in trial ya know?

Ok, off to enjoy the rest of my day before my kiddos are returned to me. Probably should think about groceries and dinner and stuff like that. It was fun feeling like a bachelorette for a few days, reminded me of the peace and quiet and time to myself I had in Reno when I spent 3 weeks there doing alternative therapy in Jan/Feb. A girl could really get used to that ya know? Love my kids and miss them, but time to myself was a luxery!

Have a great week!
xoxox
Shauna

p.s. it feels weird not having any photos to post.

Timber!!!

What a fun night we spent at PGE Park, sitting in a suite with good friends, and watching the Portland Timbers play the Seattle Sounders in soccer. It was a beautiful night and we enjoyed ourselves thoroughly. Just what we all needed after a hard, stressful week full of chemo, The Hoop being sold to the YMCA and the plane crash in Gearhart affecting our school community. Our hearts and prayers go out to the Reimann family.

Congrats to the Murray Hill Little League team representing Oregon at Regionals in San Bernidino, CA! They won their semi final game tonight and play Washington in the finals Saturday night (6 or 630pm game?). Tune into ESPN, it's going to be televised! The Pacific NW is representing!!! Our neighbor Scott Zanon is the coach and his son Jacob is on the team. Three girls on Kaelin's soccer team have brothers on the team so The Red Magic Soccer team is excited and cheering them on! Go Murray Hill!

xoxox
Shauna

Sending All of Our Angels

Our thoughts and prayers go out to the families devastated by the airplane crash into the beach house they were renting in Gearhart. We send all of our love and all of our angels out to them. We hope they can rest, renew, restore and heal. Our hearts are with them.



xoxoxox

Shauna

A Family Afffair

Wilkinson Family Reunion (4 generations)
August 2, 2008 Mud Mountain Dam Park, Buckley, WA (55 degrees!!!)


The reunion organizer and matriarch of the family, Grampa Crow



The Wilkinson Sisters



The Immel Family branch


We had so much fun! We played frisbee (and some of us did more chewing than catching) and we played soccer and we played baseball and we played in the fountain and some of us showed off new babies in orange like Katie with August


and Tony with Harley (although he doesn't have to change it's diapers, only the oil!)



and we ate



and we drank

and we laughed and we cried (some of us didn't want to get out of the fountain, even if it was cold!)

and we played on the playground (or sat there and pretended to be too cool to play)

and MOST of the girls got lost in their imagination in the wild flowers (well, dandelions but wild flowers sounds better!)

and they even opened a flower shop (here's a photo of their best customers!)you'll notice that one girl is missing. It's because she was too busy playing basketball

and wiffle ball (do you know how many times today she's asked us to play with her?)
and doing her new Rubiks Cube (she had to get one after her brother did)

I took over 300 photos total! We got there about 12pm and left about 6pm! It's taking me forever to upload the photos to my Shutterfly account so I can share them with the family! I hope they had as much fun as we all did! Can't wait until next year!! Someone bring the sun next time!!!

xoxoxo

Shauna (who is almost done with "Breaking Dawn!" The reunion got in the way of my reading time, but it was worth it!)

Thirsty for Breaking Dawn

Went to the midnight release party of Stephanie Meyer's new book, "Breaking Dawn". It's the fourth and final book in the "Twilight" series.

Here is a goofy photo of me when I got home. Don't worry though, I didn't go out in public with the wax teeth, those are a photo prop only! I did wear my shirt though. There were a lot of shirts running around: "Team Edward", "Feed my kids, I'm reading Twilight", "If Bella won't marry Edward, I will", "Got thirst? then Bite me!" etc.

Paris and Natalie made me the "Team Jacob" shirt (the story is a teenage love triangle between Bella, Edward and Jacob. Edward is a vamp and Jake is a werewolf. There are those that want her with one or the other. I vote for the big puppy dog! Natalie and Paris favor "the bloodsucker" lol)

and I added the "Got Blood" with a Sharpie pen. I based the letters on the font from the book covers. The movie comes out Dec. 12th and was filmed here in the Portland area! My kids ran off to Seattle with my mom today and Dave and I are driving up tomorrow for the day for our annual family reunion at Mudd Mountain Dam in Buckely/White River/Enumclaw, WA. I hope to be able to read both ways if Dave isn't too tired to drive! Here are a few photos from last years event...

My mom (top center) and her two sisters and three half sisters!

My brother with my kids and his daughter Ella "Enchanted"...

My cousin Chad's wife Heidi and their son Taylor...

My cousin Angie's daughter, Violet...

I hope you all have a fun filled weekend full of family and friends too! Enjoy!

xoxoxo

Shauna