Christmas Ornaments

Wonderful suggestion from Amy Forster, one of Shauna's friends: "I have an idea for friends of Shauna - Christmas time is such a hard time of year to lose a loved one. To help with this through the years I have a thought for her friends from all over the world to send a tree ornament from you about you, where you live or about how you knew Shauna. When the kids decorate the tree for years to come they will have ornaments in tribute to their mother of how much she was loved by all her friends. Wouldn't it be great if her 500+ facebook friends sent ornaments for the kids."

If you'd like to send an ornament, you can send it to the Immels @

13405 SW Lancewood Street
Beaverton OR 97008

Sign ups for helping with the Celebration of Life can be found at the lotsahelpinghands website.

Thanks,

Paris Dukes

ParisDukes@comcast.net

Celebration of Life

Shauna's Celebration of Life will be held on Sunday, January 3rd, 2010, 1:00PM at the Cabell Center, Catlin Gabel School, 8825 SW Barnes Road, Portland, OR.

More details to follow next week for food sign ups, etc.

Please contact Paris Dukes at parisdukes@comcast.net for more information.

Services

From the family:

Hi all - update on services. There will be 'family only' services in Portland & Seattle this weekend. Then, there will be a celebration of Shauna's life that will be open for everyone sometime in January. We'll post details about the celebration as soon as we have them (date, time, location). Thanks.

Shauna

Dear friends, Shauna passed away peacefully earlier this evening. We are grateful that her suffering is over. Thank you for all the support you have given her throughout her fight. We will post information about services when we know more. The family is requesting privacy at this time.

Fundraiser for Shauna

This is Shauna's friend, Paris. Shauna has asked me to post the following information on her blog.

I wanted to let you know about a book I have created on Shauna's behalf. It is an 8 1/2" x 11" soft-bound printed book that combines many of Shauna's amazing Galapagos photos with selected writings from her blog. Many of the writings are from her experience with Write Around Portland.

With her permission, I am selling copies of this book as a fundraiser for the Shauna Berglund-Immel Lifeline Fund. My cost for the book is $22 plus shipping (approx. $2). Any donation in addition to the $24 will be donated to Shauna.

This book has been a labor of love and a celebration of my friendship with Shauna. I would be greatly touched to share this book with all who love and support Shauna.

If you would like to order a book, please contact me via email:

parisdukes@comcast.net

You may make checks payable to me, Paris Dukes, or send payment via paypal at jandpdukes@comcast.net. My address is:

12235 SW Fulmar Terrace
Beaverton, OR 97007

I will forward any donations (not including the price of the book) to the Immel family as the orders come in.

Thank you for your continued support. Your donations will be greatly appreciated. Please contact me with any questions.

Fondly,
Paris

Hospice

So here I am. On hospice. But at home. Where my husband and my family are my caretakers. Wondering how I got here. Why I got here. Wanting to go back to how things were, even a few months ago. When I was free. Independent. A social butterfly. A soccer mom. On the go. Multitasking. Not being fed intraveniously, on a short leash because I have an NG tube hanging out of my nose, hooked up to a pump 24/7. Back to when I was just Shauna with stage 4 cancer, not Shauna, homebound on hospice. It's really cramping my style.

I've not settled in well. Into this lifestyle. I'm not used to being homebound. On a short leash. Going from the couch to my bed to the couch again. I've been angry. And depressed. Distracted. Unable to concentrate and enjoy things I used to. Like reading, blogging, writing, crossword puzzles, facebooking and the sort. I just don't find joy in them anymore. So I've been watching TV and too much of it. And it isn't pretty. Any of it really. It gets old really fast.

So there is no resting on hospice. You have a revolving door. They start calling you at 830am to make appointments and then a steady stream of hospice nurses, infusion nurses, chaplains, social workers, physical therapists, bath aides etc. visit you throughout the day and week. It gets quite tiring. Especially if you're not feeling well. Sleeping through the night is impossible, hooked up to TPN, my liquid diet, from 6pm until 1030am the next morning. Infused daily through my port in my chest. On top of being hooked up to the NG TUBE suction.

So that's my life lately. Exciting. NOT.

xoxoxox

Shauna

The Life Boat

The Life Boat
by Shauna Berglund Immel

Life is like a Cruise Ship.
Like the Carnival Line.
Exciting and fun.
Sailing over the waters with ease.
Without a care in the world.

Dolphins jump in the wake.
Like a marching band
leading a float in a parade.

Waves break against the bough (bow?)
Turning water into mist
like confetti falling.
Dancing in the salty air
like fairies in flight.

I stand at the helm,
taking in the beauty of the beyond
and pondering the endless possibilities
as far as the eye can see
Like the ocean.
The places I can go.
The things I can see.

I breathe in the scent of the sea
slowly
Savoring the salty aroma

The salt air tickles my face
as we sail head on into the wind.
Full speed ahead.

But the ocean
and Mother Nature,
like life,
are unpredictable.

Clouds move in like shadows
as the solitude of the still blue sky
turns to chaos.

The wind,
once a soft, warm breeze,
picks up speed
and the wet sprinkles on your face,
which once felt like soft kisses
now sting like a swarm of bees.

The seas swell
and the ocean waves,
once like a steady, mesmerizing heartbeat
Slap the side of the ship with force
Tossing it around
like a toy ship at odds
with a raging, swirl of sea.
So small and fragile.

No match for the strenght of the sea,
The ship takes on water
Like the weight of the world.
Beginning to go under.
Sinking deeper into the abyss.

Until all that is left
is but a tiny rowboat
adrift in the storm.

I read this tonight at the Write Around Portland Anthology Release Party They needed more footage of me for a documentary they are working on. It's always nice to participate in those readings. It's a great organization that does so much for the community

Wasn't feeling well today. Very nauseous and feels like increased fluid in my abdominal area. A lot of pressure in my rib area, like when I had it before and they took me away in the ambulance. I know better than to do that again! Also got some bad news. My daughter's teacher was diagnosed with breast cancer. Which means she will be gone for part of the year to deal with all that entails. It just seems like we can't get away from this. My son's middle school home room teacher/advisor was diagnosed with cancer in 7th grade, both of her gymnastics coaches were diagnosed and one ended up passing away. We miss Irina. Kaelin's reaction was "Everyone has cancer." and then she listed all of the people, including me. What is going on? Why is it following us wherever we go. Bringing up bad memories and feelings. We just can't seem to catch a break and get a breather from it. It is very prominent in our life. Where before I was diagnosed, Irina was the only one we knew. I feel like I bring bad karma wherever i go. Is it me???? It breaks my heart that these people now have to deal with this disease too. When will someone find a cure?? We need one. And soon. Sigh.

My mom bought a new Mac Book Pro laptop, so I am back in the blogging business, photos and all! I have so much catching up to do! I will leave you with a photo of the day from my Galapagos Trip, which was heaven on earth. Enjoy! xoxoxo Shauna

photo of me at the Equator in Quito, Ecuador

You Saved Me

I went and saw the movie "Julie & Julia" tonight. Have you seen it yet? It's a movie that cuts back and forth between the story of two wome, Julia Child and a woman named Julie who is tired of herself, her life, her friends and her job and who has lost her passion. She starts a blog and then cooks her way through Julia Child's cookbook in 365 days.

First of all, Meryl Streep is BRILLIANT as Julia Child. What an actress that woman is!

Second of all, I could really relate to the character, Julie, whose husband has the idea to start a blog and helps her set it up (mine did the same for me!) and then who encourages her along the way. Through the process of blogging, she finds herself, her life, her passion and her joy as she connects with her blog readers and realizes that she needs them, just as much as they need her! She realizes her blog saved her.

I experienced this very same thing when I was diagnosed with cancer and began my blog. It became my friend. My companion. Always ready to listen and encourage. And once people began commenting and supporting me, and telling me I inspire them, it was like a drug. I needed it just as much as my readers needed me. It gave me a place to share my fears, my joy, my journey. It saved me from falling into that great black abyss of grief and depression. It gave me purpose. It turned a negative into a positive. I was helping people!

So thank you for being here. For visiting me and my blog. For listening. Caring. For saving me.

What a reminder of why I started the blog and the joy I get from writing.

xoxoxoxoxox
Shauna

I've been honored as a Top Health Blogger!

You will notice in the upper right hand corner of my blog that I have a new exclusive badge to recognize me as one of the web's leading health bloggers! I was invited to join Wellsphere's HealthBlogger Network. the world's premier network of health writers, including over 2,500 of the Web's leading health bloggers! They carefully reviewed my blog, and based on the high quality of my writing, the frequency of my posts, and my passion for helping others, they thought I would be a great addition to their community! Wellsphere has more than 5,000,000 monthly unique visitors. They will be promoting me and my blog as a great source of health knowledge and support, featuring me in rotation on their homepage, republishing my posts and linking back to my blog. with the connection to the Wellsphere platform, the audience for my postings will be greatly expanded and it will attract additional readers to my blog, as I receive recognition for my efforts to improve people's lives.

Wellsphere is the fastest-growing consumer health website, and is revolutionizing the way people find and share health and healthy living information and support. They recently merged with the Health Central Network, Inc, and together they are serving more than 10 million people a month!

I am very honored to be a part of this community and look forward to this journey together.

Thank you all for the continued support! I couldn't do this without you all.
xoxoxoxo

A Numbers Game

So I got my CA125 results back. This blood marker, and the fluid seen in my monthly CT scans are the only things that my doctors have to watch. Unfortunately, my numbers are trending upwards, not what you want to see. 35 and below is normal.

Here is my latest history:

5/20/09 105
6/11/09 97
7/6/09 144
7/26/09 151
8/9/09 183

The highest mine has ever been was 176ish just after diagnosis and before major surgery. Lowest it has ever been is 22, right after my major surgery.

Always a bit confusing because it seems when my numbers peak, is when I feel and look (or so people say) my best. I just can't figure this cancer out. Hard to fight something that makes no sense. I wish they would hurry up and find a cure already. I could sure use one about now.

xoxoxoxo

Staying Positive. Or at least trying to.

I posted on Facebook about being on chemo Monday from 830am-5pm and then having to get hooked up to the chemo pump for the next 46 hours.

Shauna Berglund Immel has escaped from the Chemo Suite and is on the run
with "Fillup", my chemo pump for the next 46 hours. Oh boy we're gonna have
some
fun. NOT.

My friend Ahn: Trust you to come up with a funny name for your chemo pump!
You're incredible, how do you always stay so positive?

My resonsponse: It's better than being miserable. When you have a limited amount of time, do you want to enjoy it or be miserable? I have my moments! Ask my family! Escapes help: playdates, movies, coffee dates, lunches, books, support groups, journaling classes, etc. Facebook! Contact with friends. The support I receive is so overwhelming, I can't help but be positive back.

It's not easy. It totally sucks. I get up every single morning and look for my happy face hanging in my closet to put on. And my cape. Usually on the floor needing ironing. I wouldn't do this for anyone but my kids. Not myself. Not my husband. It's so freaking hard and it doesn't get any easier. Only harder.

See, I'm not always positive!

Your Absentee Blogger

I apologize for my disappearance. Both my PC and my laptop have been down, and updating my blog from my PDA phone seems impossible and so cumbersome. I am making it a goal to post at least once a day as long as I'm feeling well to keep you all up to date and in the know with my treatment and life! I know a lot of you are following me on Facebook (Shauna Berglund Immel), but I also know a lot of you are not in that world yet. So I apologize for keeping you in the dark the last several months.

I am hanging in there. My numbers have creeped back up. CA125 normal is 35 or below. Last blood draw (last week) was up to 155. My oncologist was giving me a month of treatment (FOLFOX = oxciliplatin, avastin and 5FU in the pump) to see if it would come back down. I meet with her on Monday and have my next round. I'm going every other week now. It gets very old!

I've lost 40# since my trip to the Galapagos Islands (May 7). My digestive system is so messed up and I haven't been able to eat or drink much and keeping it down is also a chore at times. Luckily I had it to lose and more, but being a cancer/chemo patient, losing weight isn"t always a good thing (or so my doctor tells me!). I also think that when they stopped the steroids (had a bad episode where they ODed me on Steroids and I went into drug induced psychosis?), it caused me to let go of some of the bloated look that goes along with them.

I've been living life large, and in full color during my good weeks and hanging low during the bad chemo weeks. But I'm grateful for the good weeks and the perspective I have gained on priorities, etc through this journey.

All of my photos are on my pc, which is down at the moment, so I'm going to have trouble posting photos for a bit. Please be patient with me as I ease back into this blogging addiction! I must say I have missed it and you all!

Thanks for being there for me and checking in on me and being so patient! It's good to be back among the posting!

xoxoxoxox
Shauna

I'm back!

The Galapagos rocked! The travel was excellent. I felt phenomenal! Hiked and snorkeled with penguins, sea lions, sharks and turtles! Amazing!! There are no words! It was truly The Enchanted Islands! HOpefully someday soon I'll get some photos up. They upload so slow. One at a time. :( Easier for me on facebook. If you are on Facebook , I'm Shauna Berglund Immel. I have started a Galapagos album there.

Happy Birthday to my 14 year old son Spencer today! May 21st! Took him to Sushi Boat for dinner, his favorite!

Good news...my CA125 has improved!

5/20 105
4/22 146
4/1 127

Normal is 35 or less. At least I'm finally trending toward the right direction. Wish me luck!

Went in for oncologist appt. today. Was going to do 3rd round of Folfox, which I'm allergic to the Oxcillaplatin portion of it. Had the last two rounds from hell, so not looking forward to this one. First round I ODed on Steroids. 2nd round I was taken away in an ambulance because I was underdosed and had a reaction (chills, vomiting and 103+ fever. Not good with no immune system). So I'm nervous.

Anyways, they have to administer it thru my port over 6+ hours, and they ran out of time today because they had to close for a staff meeting at 4pm. They usually close 530 or 6. or when we are done. So they premedicated me, but couldn't give me the big nasty oxy drug. So tomorrow I go in at 730am for my oxy. Oh the joys of chemo. Ugh. So cross your heart, toes, eyes, fingers, legs, arms and whatever else is crossable!

I'm off to bed now. Will try and keep you more updated now. I have a gazillion photos to go thru, so they will arrive here slowly and in small doses. Maybe I'll have a photo of the day.

Cheers! xoxoxo
Shauna

National Geographic Ship Blog

Ok, so while I am on my trip, they will keep a blog of our daily activities and some photos from our excursions where you can check in and keep track of us!!!

Galapagos Islands Trip Blog

You'll need to know the dates of our trip and the name of our boat

We fly into Ecquador May 7th and spend the day there the next day. I think we are on the ship starting May 9th for 9 days.

The name of the ship is The National Geographic Endeavour (spelled the Brittish way!)

Enjoy following along until I can return with my own photos!!!

xoxoxooxox
Shauna

OMG I'm Alive!!!!!

Barely though! Had two horrible episodes with the oxcilliplatin that they added back in (I'm allergic to it). I'll have to fill you in later. I promise I will get back to blogging!!!! I've been a little distracted with the immediate gratification of Facebook, surviving drug induced psychosis, taking rides in ambulances, having LOADS of FUN and getting ready to leave for Equador and the Gallapagos Islands Thursday at 4:15am!!!! So I will be out of the country for 10 days!!! I will come back with magnificent photos and stories and hopefully my hubby will post some updates for me while I'm gone!!!! Email him to remind him!! dave@daveimmel.com

Bon Voyage my dear friends!!!! xoxoxooxo
Shauna

Chemo Cancer Catch up

Had a cat scan last friday. My doc called me same day, which is unusual. had blood tests too. CA125 back up. 147 down to 114 and now up to 127. normal is 35 or less. cat scan showed increased fluid in ab area, where before. not good sign. supposed to go to galapagoes islands may 7th, so she decided to get aggressive and beat it down before i go. so monday was a long day of my BIG NASTY chemo back in the arsenol. i was there from 9am - 645pm. slow drip cuz i'm allergic to it. i'm struggling this week big time. tryiing to get over this chemo fog. it's sooo bad. been in bed sleeping since tuesday. can't pull oout. any stimulation at all is excruiating. no sound. no tv. no reading. no music. no talking. no fb. no texting. i just want to curl up and die. sometimes that seems easier. so overwhelmed with easter and class trips and class birthdays and class plays and i have no idea how i'm going to get anythinig done for mytrip or anyone's stuff. i can't function or focus. i'm hoping i turn the corner in the next day or two. i just can't handle any more. sorry to whine. just be patient with me. oh, another lady from my support group died yesterday, sara. :( cancer sucks.

heeeeeeeee's back!!!!!!!

Wearing the same clothes he left in. Just looks a little more haggard. Thinner. Taller. Definately stinkier! LOL He is soooo glad to be home and I'm so glad to have him home!

First thing out of his mouth "I'm hungry! Can we stop and get some food?" He wants pizza, cheese burgers, ice cream. He missed American food!

Next thing out of his mouth "Is Simba in the car?" He was very happy to see Simba and vice versa.

So we stopped at the airport Starbucks and got him a cinnamon roll and an icetea/lemonade. Then we stopped and got him an oreo shake! It's cheeseburgers for lunch and pizza for dinner! I guess he's been living off of Sushi and noodles. He looks thin to me! Gotta fatten him up!

He's now had a long, hot shower, washed his hair and put on clean, fresh jammies. He's sitting on the couch, playing video games. Tired, but not wanting to go to bed. I think he's happy to be home. Of course he's tired, it's tomorrow in Japan! It's like 4am there or something. He's been up all night traveling. Long flight!

We went through his bag and he got out all of the souveneirs and goodies from his backpack. He was very excited to give Kaelin her stuff. So sweet of him. He's being very extra sweet to me, telling me "thanks for picking me up mom. Thanks for the cinnamon roll. Thanks for this, for that." It's so nice to have my baby boy home and in a good mood, not all teenagery!!! Remind me of this when I start complaining about his attitude again in a few days!! ;)

Thanks again to all who helped make this trip possible and who gifted him spending money. He had a wonderful time and wonderful memories and he's made some good friends with kids in his class that he wasn't as close to before. He's come back a changed boy and we are so glad to have him back!!!!

xoxxoxox
Shauna

P.S. On a sad note, Kaelin's gymnastics coach, Irina, died yesterday of cancer. She deserves her own post, so I will save that for tomorrow to honor her, as tomorrow is her memorial service. She is up with the angels now but she will forever be in our hearts and souls. xoxoxo

My Baby Comes Home Tomorrow!!!!

Here is the latest update on their trip:

PHEW! Boy have we been busy between sick kids, traveling, and wonderful adventures! Dealing with sickness has been an additional stressor but through it all your kids have proven themselves to be amazing, resilient, generous and flexible troopers! We have not had internet access for the past couple of days while we have been staying at the outdoor school in Takeo and now the catlin website is not working so i am trying to send this thru gmail. I can hardly believe that we have already passed the halfway point in the trip and are actually down to the last couple of days! I told the kids on day 2 that it would seem like the trip was going slowly at the beginning and then suddenly it would be over! Sure enough we have all found that to be true! I will try to give you some quick updates of the activites you have missed!

The monkeys and the aquarium were a highlight for me in Beppu. And I am sure that the trained walrus knew more japanese than I do! On our last day in Beppu We were lucky enough to have clear weather on the day we took the tram up to the caldera of Mt Aso. It looked like a steaming caldron of blue/green/yellow broth and Andy had us all sit and write a tanka (a haiku but with more lines and syllables) while we were on the volcano. We also had a chance to visit with Kate Yonezawa (the previous Japanese instructor at catlin) and her husband who is a bamboo artist in the area. We visited the bamboo museum and made a small bamboo key chain.

Next came our reception in Takeo which even included a large american flag! The schools we visited were most welcoming hosts and the kids enjoyed having a chance to interact with the Japanese students. We were entertained by kendo and koto demonstrations and the kids wished they had had more time to perfect their song and dance performance. Staying at the outdoor school site was certainly not luxury accomodations and I am sure your kids will have lots of complaints about the food but this was never designed to be a 5 star trip and the accomodations were more than adequate. On our last day in Takeo, we visited their local science museum. I was amazed at how well designed the exhibits were. It definitely rivaled OMSI! We went in a bungee-type aparatus that was designed to give us the feel of what it is like to walk on the moon, and we also got to sit in the middle of a gyroscope-type contraption that whirled us in every direction while spinning 360 degrees! Some of us even got to stand inside a giant soap bubble! We also went to a site which was reputed to have the largest kiln in the world! We were taught how to make a clay bowl and true to form for catlin students, everyone's turned out different (not sure if that was what the instructor expected!). These will be glazed and then shipped to us in Oregon. They will make for a precious sourvenir of our time in Takeo which is known for its pottery. On the final evening at the camp, student volunteers from the local school put on an unusal candle ceremony which included silly dances, and songs with hand-motions. To reciprocate, we taught them a few of our own as well! It was a delightful evening and send off.

We have finally arrived in Hiroshima. The boys are in one youth hostel and the girls are in another a short distance apart since neither site was going to be able to take all 20 of us. Both are very new facilities and the kids are really happy with these sites. It has been an important goal of ours for the kids to learn that there are ways to make traveling less expensive. We were hopeful that the last of the illnesses were over, but it looks like a cold may have followed us here. We are crossing our fingers that it does not turn into the flu but we are thankful that tomorrow is really our last day of big adventures as we travel to the Peace Park and then take a short ferry ride to Miyajima where they will see deer walking the streets. The other night we in a circle and reflected on the differences the students have observed in Japan. It is surprising to me how insightful, perceptive and throughtful middle schoolers can be! Your kids are truly impressive! We are all learning alot - mostly about how to work together as a group and how to put the needs of the group ahead of our personal needs. As we all get tired and start to long for home we know that this will get tougher for all the kids. But we feel so fortunate to have this particular group of students with us. Luckily, there is not much that a warm bed and some pizza can't cure!

Wish I had the cables to download pictures onto this computer. Andy is working on setting up some photo albums on Picassa coz the kids have taken SO many pictures!!! Hopefully a link to that is coming soon! Well, we will be home before you know it!

See you soon!

Pongi, Andy and Ann

So Spencer flies in at 8:20am Tuesday/tomorrow!!! I can't wait to take him home, get him in the shower, with some CLEAN fresh clothes, stuff him with Pizza and ice cream, let him play video games and put him to bed in his own bed!!!! :) And hopefully between all of that stuff, hear about his trip! I'm sure knowing Spencer, his answer will be "It was fun." LOL I really think Kaelin has been missing him too. She and Simba have been sleeping in his bed. I know the bird misses Spencer and after cleaning the bird's cage yesterday myself, I miss Spencer! LOL But shhhhh.....don't tell him!!! He'll go all "teenager" on me! ;)

So Spring Break has officially started. Kaelin and I went to go see "Coraline" with Grannie and Grampa on Friday and then Kaelin stayed the night over at their house. I meant to get things done at home, but got caught up in talking/visiting with Paris at the bookstore and then catching up with a special childhood friend from when I was 10 via the phone! (Have I told you how much I LOVE Facebook lately? Thank you Facebook!) Suffice to say, there was a lot of catching up to do! Nice way to spend a Saturday, surrounded by friends near and far.

Kaelin was supposed to go to a Birthday party of one of her teammates, but I dropped the ball big time. I'm telling you, this stuff keeps happening to me. I used to be able to manage my family and their schedules so well. Like a CEO running a big huge corporation. I just can't seem to keep things together lately. We are late for everything. And half the time, I'm getting dates/weekends mixed up and we don't show up at all. Can I blame all of that on "Chemo Brain" I wonder? I feel terrible about missing this birthday party, especially since we RSVPed. And it was ice skating! I also dropped the ball and Kaelin missed going over to the head of the school's house to release Salmon into Salmon Creek. I feel HORRIBLE about those. Ugh.

So I'm going to go all "freakedoutcrazycancerlady" on you and share some fears. This is the curse of cancer BTW. Every little thing freaks you out. So I've had a pretty constant headache for the last 4-5 days. Not excruiating, but nagging. And I'm not a headachey kind of person. I also have been feeling this "whoosh" in a certain side of my head. Like pulsing. Like I can feel the blood flowing there. And I've been really tired. And stressed with my 13 year old away and all of this stuff that needs doing and I am so overwhelmed. Not to mention my forgetfulness. And lack of motivation. Lack of energy. Lack of get up and go. Blah Blah Blah. (normal chemo side effects by the way, worsening with time as the drugs build up in your system and accumulate). But what conclusion do I come to? I have a brain tumor! Now I can't stop thinking about that. What if it's spread to my brain, like what happens with so many women I see in my support group? Ugh! I hate the Cancer Curse! It just will NEVER leave you alone. I think I will bring this up with my doctor next visit and ask for an MRI. Just to be sure. BTW, I have my 6 week CT Scan on April 3rd. Good gracious, April is next week! My baby girl turns 10 on April 1st! I'm not ready!!!!!!

Dave has been running a shooting clinic/pick up games for youth kids on Sunday nights 6-8pm. Last night Kaelin went to her 2nd one, with some of her teammates, and you definately can see a difference in her shooting! She's improving in both shooting and in game play! Making cuts. Driving, etc! I love it! She's going to be a good player if she sticks with it. She can shoot and more importantly in girls hoops, she can JUMP!

This week she is attending one of Dave's Spring Break Hoop Camps M-TH 12-3pm with some of her teammates. This will really be good for her! I might sneak over and watch but it's so nice to be HOME ALL ALONE! What should I do first????? She's going to a playdate afterwards and Dave has Open Gym at Catlin and I have a fun dinner at Chevy's with ex-coworkers from HOTP. If I can remember to go that is!!

Better stop rambling and get to enjoying being home alone. That means laundry, cleaning, paperwork, etc! No fun! :(

Have a great week!!!
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox
Shauna

Writing Catch Up

3/17/09 Topic: Poetry

The Life Boat
by Shauna Berglund Immel

Life is like a Cruise Ship.
Like the Carnival Line.
Exciting and fun.
Sailing over the waters with ease.
Without a care in the world.

Dolphins jump in the wake.
Like a marching band
leading a float in a parade.

Waves break against the bough (bow?)
Turning water into mist
like confetti falling.
Dancing in the salty air
like fairies in flight.

I stand at the helm,
taking in the beauty of the beyond
and pondering the endless possibilities
as far as the eye can see
Like the ocean.
The places I can go.
The things I can see.

I breathe in the scent of the sea
slowly
Savoring the salty aroma

The salt air tickles my face
as we sail head on into the wind.
Full speed ahead.

But the ocean
and Mother Nature,
like life,
are unpredictable.

Clouds move in like shadows
as the solitude of the still blue sky
turns to chaos.

The wind,
once a soft, warm breeze,
picks up speed
and the wet sprinkles on your face,
which once felt like soft kisses
now sting like a swarm of bees.

The seas swell
and the ocean waves,
once like a steady, mesmerizing heartbeat
Slap the side of the ship with force
Tossing it around
like a toy ship at odds
with a raging, swirl of sea.
So small and fragile.

No match for the strenght of the sea,
The ship takes on water
Like the weight of the world.
Beginning to go under.
Sinking deeper into the abyss.

Until all that is left
is but a tiny rowboat
adrift in the storm.

3/10/09 Focus: Voice/Perspective
Prompts:
1. write a scene from "Cinderella" from the Step Mothers perspective
2. Write a scene from "The Three Little Pigs" from the Wolf's perspective.

Miss Step
by Shauna Berglund Immel

She's so pretty and sweet and nice. Why is she so beautiful and my own daugther's are so hideously ugly? It isn't fair. Why can't my daughter's be as pretty as her? I hate her. No one should be so sweet and fetching. It's a crime I tell ya.

Oooooh wait, is that the castle bell I hear? I wonder who it could be?
"Cinderella!
CinderELLA!!
CINDERELLA!!!!!"

Just then a vision of pure innocence and beauty walks into the room. A hush falls over the air.

"Yes Stepmother?"

"Are you deaf child? Can you NOT hear the castle bell? Get the door!"

Fortunately for her, looks is all she seems to have. How stupid can she be?

Ooooh, who's this dashing man, strolling toward me with a scroll in his hand? He looks so royal. I wonder if he's connected to the prince?

I wonder if he has money?"

To Be a Teen
by Shauna Berglund Immel

She's yelling at me again. I wonder what she wants me to do now. She always wants something. I swear that woman never shuts up. I just tune her out. I have this awesome technique of answering her without having to take my eyes off of my video game screen or stop reading my book.

She's always interrupting. Why can't she just leave me alone and let me be in peace? I KNOW I have homework. But I don't know WHY I have to do it BEFORE I can play video games.

Mom is always getting on me about something. Take my room for instance. I don't see anything wrong with it? What's a few wet towels and dirty socks on the floor? Makes it easier for me to get dressed in the morning.

And who cares if I have piles of books stacked everywhere, teetering in towers spilling onto the floor? She says she can't dust or vacuum if my shelves, dressers and floor are covered in piles. Who needs to dust? Who cares if I'm allergic to dust? I don't. Why does she? A little dust never hurt anyone. And I know this because I'm 13 years old and apparently I know everything. That's what people keep saying to mom to console her. Telling her to "Just wait, he'll come back to you when he's 21."

Where do they think I'm going? I'm not going anywhere. I like it here. This is the life; mom feeding me and cleaning up after me. Kind of like my own personal assistant, like Igor.

If only she'd stop yelling at me.

3/3/09 Focus: Imagery

prompts:
1. Describe a sinister teacher skating inside a garage.
2. Describe a giant pumpkin running through the classroom

It looked like one of those big, huge, blow up balloons you see floating in big parades or advertising at car dealerships. It was big and round and orange! Plump, with ridges swelling around it's diameter. On top sprouted green vines, like tendrils falling down across it's face.

It loomed above me and I noticed it's vine like arms and legs as it ran past, disrupting Mr. Peter's algebra class. The class had been quiet as we struggled with today's math quiz, but like the welcome distraction of an unexpected fire drill, the class erupted in screams and cheers as he ran past.

prompts:
1. I want to name myself... (using random words drawn out of a hat)
My words: daisy, patterning, onyx, buckle, enchanting

2. A man wakes up in the Indian Ocean, naked and clinging to a a boat, a hotel key card clenched in his teeth. What happens next???

I've always hated my name. "Shauna" just seemed so unusual growing up. I always wanted to have a more normal name, like all of the other Julie's, Jennifer's and Lisa's in my school. Maybe something more along the lines of "Daisy". Sassy like Daisy Dukes on TV. Daisy just feels so much more feminine, pretty and girlie to me than Shauna does.

Surely people would be more drawn to me like they are to the fresh, sweet scent of the flower itself, dancing happily along the flower beds parrelling the tree lined side walks on a sunny day. Unable to resist my enchanting aroma as they skip happily to school each day, being careful to not step on the cracks for fear of breaking their mother's back.

With a name like "Daisy" one would certainly feel more beautiful. There is just something so simple and poetic about the word. Like the simple joy that a single, round, yellow happy face symbolizes. Surely, if one's name were "Daisy", one would have to be happy and content.

More to come!! I'm soooo far behind!! Sorry!! Some of these are not my best work (the prompts are KILLING me!!!) but there are a few good ones. Enjoy.

xoxoxo
Shauna

Chemo Update and Japan Update

I met with my oncologist at 8am this morning, so I would have plenty of time to get the Oxcilliplatin put back into my chemo cocktail, all 6 hours of it! However, the doctor didn't have my CA125 blood marker test back yet and she asked how I've been feeling and I told her a lot better! So we decided to hold off on adding the Oxy today and waiting til the CA125 results came in. If they had gone up, I'd be coming back in for the Oxy later in the week. So I started my usual fluids and Avastin (8:30-1:15pm) and took home the 2 weeks worth of Oral chemo, the Zolata. I seem to be handling the Zolata really well and am able to drive and function while taking it without too many bad side effects. So I was relieved to hold off on the Oxy. That's the really agressive cocktail that I did in the beginning, every other Monday for 11 rounds. Had to stop before I got to 12 because I couldn't handle the side effects any more. The naropathy (numbness) in my hands and feet got so bad I could barely walk. With the Oxy came nausea. Diarreah. Constipation. Cold sensitivity (cold trigger = can't eat, drink, touch anything cold for 10 days! Like pins and needles. Throat closing up. Horrible!!!). Plus all of the pre meds (steroids) and pain meds and anti nausea and anti vomiting and anti diarreah and anti constipation really messes with ones sleep patterns etc! The Oxy would knock me out cold for 2-3 days. I'm talking not being able to lift my head from the pillow. It was like having the really bad flu every other week for a whole week. And then I'd start to feel better for a week, and then it was time to do it again! It was soooo draining and hard to keep up! Took so much out of me. I couldn't drive cause of all of the meds. Couldn't function. Couldn't manage family life at all. So you can imagine my relief when I didn't have to do it today as expected because my numbers have steadily been rising!!

My last CA125 after the first round had risen to 147, the highest it's been since diagnosis/surgery in June 06. I had gotten it down to 22 with surgery and chemo. Normal is 35 or less. I got a break and it began to rise again. So they tried the Carbo/taxol (lost all of my hair). Then I went to Reno. I came back from Reno and they started me on Oxy again, because that's the one that seems to work. Of course the chemo from hell is the one that works. Go figure. But then after only a few rounds I had an allergic reaction to it and had to stop it. So then I did the 5FU (pump) and Avastin for awhile, which got really old. She let me have a break over the holidays. Since stopping the oxy though, my numbers just kept going up and up and up.

Well, today I come home to an email from my doc and my CA125 went from 147 to 114 after my 2 cycles of Zolata!!! It's finally turned around and going back down for a change! So I don't have to do the Oxy just yet!!! I have been feeling so much better lately and told her that. I know my body well and I usually am right about things. My body knows! It's still a long ways from normal and 35, but it's at least going down!!! Which just made my day!!!! I soooo didn't want to do the oxy!! I am doing my 6 week CT Scan April 3rd and depending on those results, I may just get out of doing it altogether so far! That would be AWESOME! I HATE OXY!!!! So yeah! Go me!!! All of your thoughts/prayers help, so thank you for holding me in your heartS!!!!!!

Now for Spencer and Japan...

Here's an email I got from one of his teacher's last night, titled "Spencer's Trip So Far":

Hello from Japan! I have a little bit of time and wanted to update you on Spencer's trip so far. We hope to give them all some time when they get back from their hike to Mt. Aso today to email you, but I'll fill you in myself on what I'm seeing so far. Spencer, as always has really been a wonderful, caring addition to this group of travelers. He's being so positive and helpful in all kinds of ways. He regaled us last night at dinner with stories about the monkey park and ways to not look a monkey in the eye. Today all the kids are off to Mt. Aso, which you can see yourselves from google maps. I think he's doing wonderfully overall and really enjoying himself.

One unfortunate event is that the flu bug which was going through Catlin seems to have made its way onto the plane. A few kids have fallen prey, although-knock on wood-Spencer hasn't succumbed. The good news is that it seems to last at the most 48 hours, with only a low to moderate fever, sore throat and a few aches and pains - no runs or vomit. We're trying our best to keep those 3 children who came down with it separated and rested. And the rest, we are making sure to keep well fed with lots and lots of hand washing! We'll be sure to let you know if anything changes for Spencer, but for now rest assured that all the kids are being taken care of and no news is definitely good news. Be sure to take a look at the pictures which Andy will upload soon. They're impressive.
Take Care
Ann

And then Dave came home today to find this informative email from Spencer in his inbox:

Hi?dad, im having a really fun time in japan. say hi to everyone for me.
TELL simba i miss him. bye

Spencer Immel

LOL!! We laughed so hard at the story about the monkey park and about Spencer's email! So he misses the dog!!!! LOL That's my 13 year old boy for you!!! I can't shut my 9 year old girl up, but I can't get my 13 yr old boy to talk at all!!!!

Write Around Portland sent me this:

Hi Shauna -

We finally put up the videos on our website:

http://www.writearound.org/publications/video.html

They are currently on our homepage, too. Thank you so much for doing this!

Robyn

I made it to UTube!!! LOL
Enjoy!
xoxoxo
Shauna

Japan Trip Update #2 and misc.

I got this email this morning, and was so relieved! I've been so anxious to hear more!!!

Everyone,

Hope all is well. We are now beginning our second full day in Japan. Yesterday, we traveled from Nagoya to Fukuoka, our last long train ride for a while. Once we got to Fukuoka, we visited a shrine, the students' first taste of ancient Japanese architecture. The students spent quite a deal of time there exploring the scenery and sharing paper fortunes with their classmates. After that, we went to Canal City, a huge outdoor shopping mall, where the kids were given a bit of freetime to view a fire juggler and other street performers, shop, and eat a great meal. Some of us went to the Fukuoka Grand Ramen Stadium which took up a whole floor of the mall and contained at least twenty ramen restaurants arranged by the region of ramen they were serving---quite an interesting experience.

Today, we arrived in Beppu, one of the hotsprings capitals of Japan. Today, we visited the 8 Hells, which are essentially huge hot springs and mudpits of various colors, reds, white, blues, and even green. They were spectacular! A few of us also ventured to eat hard-boiled eggs boiled in the hot springs we saw---turned brown from the water...they were perfectly safe and tasted quite good. Other than that, we went to a small zoo where the kids were able to feed elephants and a hippo.

Tomorrow, we will be going to two attractions...the Uminotamago (Ocean Egg) Aquarium, one of the hugest in Japan, and a huge monkey park called Takasaki Saru Koen. This is where we are going to see thousands of Japanese monkeys close up in their "natural" tourist-filled environment. There are no cages, and the monkeys are able to roam free. It is going to be great!!!

Anyways, I am working on collecting the first series of photos from our photo scavenger hunt and hope to upload them soon. We will have internet for a few days, so this should happen quite soon!

Have a wonderful day and will update you soon.

Andy

I can't believe the difference in the energy around the house, minus one kid. The dynamics are so different. It's been really peaceful actually. But I sure miss my little buddy! (don't tell him I said that!!!)

For those of you on Facebook, the following is probably a repeat....

Today we had the American Dance Awards at Parkrose High School. We had to be out there at 8:30am. That is just WRONG on a Sat!! Kaelin performed "Topsy Turvy" with her Elite Acro group.
And then we had a soccer game at Lakeridge High School to run off to, before we realized it had been changed/cancelled! So no game today! Tomorrow (Sun. March 15th) The Red Magic plays at 9:15am at Beaverton High School.

On Friday, it was 4th Grade Music and Poetry Sharing at School. The kids had to dress up, which means, and I quote Kaelin from previous years, "you have to wear a dress, a skirt or fancy pants AND I'M NOT WEARING A DRESS OR SKIRT." However, unlike previous years, she did!! She wore her outfit from last Spring Festival, minus the white low top Converse sneakers because she has grown 3 shoe sizes! LOL We did go out and buy her new "dress up shoes."
She read the poem "Behind the Redwood Curtain" and did a great job! She was a bit nervous because she went FIRST! :)

For those of you who don't know, the Southridge HS girls hoop team, the 4 time defending State Champs, got knocked out on their way to the Final 8 in State when they played #1, Oregon City. So the season ended a bit earlier than hoped.

Monday it's back to the mean, nasty, icky, aggressive chemo with the horrid side effects. Every other Monday schedule. Ugh. Still pretending it's NOT happening. I've been actually feeling really really really good lately compared to usual. I'm talking lately as in last 3 days :)

On a sad note, my heart is breaking for Kaelin's gymnastics coach (since age 4/5), Irina. She has been battling cancer for several years and was doing well for awhile and then as of December, it had spread to her stomach and liver etc. and she began to deteriorate and lose weight etc. She isn't doing well at all and has been placed on hospice. I am having guilt because I haven't been able to bring myself to go see her. Or to take Kaelin. It hits so close to home. I know everyone thinks I should be there for her, to give her strength etc. because I would be the one person to understand. But to be honest, that is precisely the reason I can't face her. I can't bear to see it. I want to remember her how she was, vibrant and radiant, and beautiful and healthy and alive with energy. I don't want to look at her now and see myself. It terrifies me. I don't think I can be strong for her. I'm not strong enough to face her. I know I should. I know it would mean a lot. I just know I can't be strong FOR her. I've seen what this disease does. What it takes. I lose women in my support group all of the time and I have to stay away for awhile because I'm just not strong enough to go and face the group without them. Another confession...Kaelin and I have been missing ALOT of gymnastics lately. A big reason is basketball and soccer and school projects, but one big reason is Irina. It's not the same going to the gym without her there. It feels empty. Sad. Wrong. It's haunting. It hurts. It's just so unfair. I HATE cancer. Sigh.

So my heart and soul is going out to Irina, holding her in my heart with all I have. Hoping she knows we love her and miss her and that she has made a difference in our lives. If only I could face my fears and go see her and tell her in person....

Life is so unfair sometimes.
xoxoxoxo
Shauna

Japan or Bust!

First of all, let me thank all of you who supported Spencer in this trip through your generous gifts! He/We appreciated it so very much and he will be sending Thank You's upon his return in 2 weeks! Your kindness, thoughtfulness and generosity touched our hearts deeply. We have the best friends!!!!!

We've been busy with trip prep and packing lists and getting him ready to go. It's always so stressful for me to get my kids ready for one of their class trips or field trips, but this topped them all! Getting your 13 year old ready to go to Japan for 2 weeks just about killed me!! Such a relief to know he is gone and has landed safely in Japan and he still has his baggage and his passport in his possession! I can relax now because my part is done. There is nothing I can do for him now!
We dropped him off at PDX (Portland) at 11:30am yesterday to meet up with his 3 teachers and 17 classmates (6th, 7 th, 8th graders from the Middle School Japanese Program at Catlin Gabel). Spencer (8th) has been taking Japanese since he was in 3rd grade. How awesome to be immersed in the culture and to share this experience with his classmates!Ben and Jake, two of his 8th grade buddies, will be hanging with him, hopefully keeping him in check!! (and hopefully reminding him NOT to forget his luggage/passport/train pass etc!)The hardest part was watching him walk away....
There plane left PDX at 2:55pm Wed, March 12th. It arrived in Narita, Japan and then they flew to Nagoya about 3am our time Thurs. morning. Here is the email we got from the teachers:
Everyone,

I wanted to send you out a quick email telling you that we have arrived at our hotel. The flights were fairly long but the kids were happy with the movies on the plane, and immigration/customs took a whole 15 minutes...not bad for 20 people. We are now in Nagoya for one night and will be going down to Fukuoka via bullet train tomorrow, where we will begin all of the fun activities we have planned such as the photo-scavenger hunt,and many others.... No bags lost, no passports lost, (knock on wood), so a very good travel day.

By the way, your kids are awesome!!! Not only are they excited, but they have followed instructions excellently, considering that we are all tired. I will email you all again when I can with links to the picture/video gallery as soon as we have pictures.

Thanks!
Andy

It's really nice to know that my son listens to someone and follows instructions when given by someone else! LOL

On their agenda today:

Fukuoka: scavenger hunt will take them to Dazaifu Tenmongu (Temmongu Shrine, Koymyouzen-Ji, Kyushu Museum), Ohori Park, Fukuoka Castle, Hawk's Town,
Tenjin, Canal City, (Sega-Land?) Fukuoka Museum. They will have dinner in Tenjin or Canal Citym walk around and experience city-life. After dinner they will debrief, upload photos and have an early night. They may go see a pre-season professional baseball game!

Exciting huh???

I will share the link to their blog when I get it and I will keep you updated as I hear. We are not allowed to be in contact with our children individually. Only through the teacher, because they want them immersed in the culture! What a great experience! I am so excited for him!

And I hate to say this, but I miss him already????

I have so much to catch you all up on! Our trip to Seaside for the Hoop tourney etc!

My nasty chemo starts on Monday. Blech. Pretending that's not happening.

For any of you relatives/friends that are interested, there are some spectating opportunities this weekend!

Kaelin performs her "Topsy Turvy" Elite Acro Routine on SAt. March 14 at 9:30am at Parkrose High School.

Classic soccer games to watch:
12pm Sat. @ Lake Ridge High School
9:15am Sun. @ Beaverton High School

Have a great week!!!
xoxoxox
Shauna

25 Random Things About Shauna You Didn't (Want to?) Know

The 25 things you didn't know about me are....

1. I once had a gun pulled on me.

It happened in college while at UCLA. My then boyfriend and I were driving around Westwood looking for a certain restaurant where we were meeting people. We were coming up to a light, but noticed the parking lot was before the light, so at the last minute we turned left without a blinker. While getting out of our car, the car behind us screeches to a halt at the curb, this big guy gets out, opens his trunk and pulls out a gun and points it at us and starts screaming profanities! My then boyfriend starts apologizing while the gunman's friend gets out of the passenger side and is yelling at him to put it away and we ran into the restaurant as fast as we could and called the police! They never found them. Talk about road rage.

2. I was once an unwilling passenger in a car involved in a high speed chase.

The driver ended up going to jail. We had to spend the night sleeping on the grass in a park in Yakima until he was released the next day. I have never been so scared in my life. Had I known this person was the driver before my plans with my friend were made to go to the Tri Cities to watch the Hydroplane races, I would have chosen NOT to go on this particular road trip. And obviously, my instincts would have been right.

3. I have been punched in the face by a guy. (I'm starting to sound like a real hoodlam aren't I? LOL I'm sooo not! That's why this is all so RANDOM.)

When I was in 8th or 9th grade, and my little brother, who was in 4th/5th grade, was beat up by a boy who lived down the street from us in Kent on Lake Meridian. I can't remember his name now. He had sat on my brother and covered his mouth and nose so he couldn't breath. I was so mad at this boy, that I began to torment him at school by calling him names whenever I saw him. One day he said to me, "If you call me one more name, I'm going to have to hit you." I then said "@!&%$" and he punched me square in the face and kept coming at me. He had me up against the lockers and people had to pull him off of me. We both got sent to the principals office. He got suspended and I got lunch duty and maybe afterschool service for "provoking it" and for "bringing stuff that happened at home, to school." You would have had to have known me in Middle School to really appreciate this. I NEVER got in trouble. I was very quiet and shy and the total teacher's pet type. I followed all of the rules. All of the time. I got straight A's. After this happened, this boy got beat up a lot for hitting a girl. I'm sorry that my friend Mike got suspended for beating him up but I will never forget him standing up for me like that. Thanks Mike!!!! :)

4. I know for a fact that it is way more important to have eyelashes and eyebrows than it is to have hair on your head.

5. If I could have one superpower, it would be time travel or to be able to see into the future.

This would allow me to see how my children turn out. To see them become teens, play sports, become adults, graduate, go to college, marry, have kids, etc. I would give anything for this. I would sell my soul to have this gift.

6. I was a NCAA athlete while at UCLA.

I rowed crew on the women's varsity lighweight crew team. We rowed 4's and 8's. Practice was at 5am sharp every morning in Marina Del Ray!!! Best shape of my life. EVER.

7. My first choice of colleges was University of Texas, but I didn't get in. So I had to go with my second choice. UCLA. Worked out well for me. :) Things usually work out the way they are supposed to.

8.My husband Dave was my 2nd choice too and I never let him forget that! LOL Those of you that know me, know that Troy Aikman was my #1 choice! ;) I'm still never washing my hand!!!!!!! LOL

9. While at UCLA, I was named ASUCLA Employee of the Year and received a cash reward.

I ran the little cafe in the John Anderson Graduate School of Business and hired all of my friends!!! Worked there through college, usually the 7am shift!

10. I'VE never broken a bone in my body, but have had several extensive surgeries Oh, except my jaw (and no, it wasn't from #3)

When I was 2? I was biting on a shopping cart and MY MOM went to pick me up and I was still biting. Broke my jaw. At least that's the story she tells and she hates that story to this day. (Sorry mom)11. In my high school senior polls, I was voted "Best Legs" and "Most Talented."

11. In my high school senior polls, I was voted "Best Legs" and "Most Talented."

A the time, I was a bit disappointed I didn't get "Best Body" or "Most Popular" or "Best Hair" or "Most Wanted to be Stranded on a Desert Isle With" (you know ,the important things when you are 18), but now, looking back. I'm REALLY happy with these! Especially since I had a 4" scar and spent most of my senior year with one leg in a full legged cast from ACL reconstruction! :)

12. My very first car was a 1968 Blue/purplish Porsche 912.

I loved that car. My grandmother loaned me the money after I graduated from high school in 1984 but then wouldn't let me pay her back. I left it at home when I went to UCLA and my dad had the engine rebuilt for my college graduation present. I loved that car. Did I say that already?? I had to sell it when I was pregnant with my son, Spencer in 1995. The first vanity plate read "Gremlin" and the 2nd and last one read "Brewin" as in UCLA. :)

13. I had a crush on my husband Dave when he played basketball for UCLA and promised I'd marry him one day.

I lived with 2 boys and another girl for the first few years while at UCLA. I announced "I'm going to marry Dave Immel" to them on several occasions, even though I had never met him in person and wouldn't until just before I graduated in 1990, 2 years AFTER he graduated in 1988. (Andy, that's a true story isn't it? Remember me promising you guys I'd marry him, and I did????)

14. I'm an all or nothing kind of person and a perfectionist.

If I can't do something, or if I can't do something the way I want it done, in it's entirity, I won't even start it. And my 9 year old daughter is exactly the same.

15. I've always been very shy and insecure. I have never had a lot of outward confidence. (see #14). Nor have I been one to crave the center of the attention in a crowded room. I prefer to sit back and observe. Sometimes I may come off as "standoffish" because of it. Again, my 9 yr. old daughter takes after me. Although I believe she is pretty comfy in her skin and very secure with WHO she is, what she likes etc. Me, not so much. But I'm learning from her.

16. I didn't have a TV growing up.

I think the last time we had a TV was when we lived in Canoga Park, CA and I was in 5th grade. We moved to Hawaii and didn't bring it with us. I didn't have a TV again until I graduated from college and moved in with Dave in 1990. I used to spend a lot of time at the library reading and I did a lot of drawing. Played outside a lot too, on top of sports. Used to get my school work done and would go to bed around 8ish unless there was a game or party in High School.

17. I always wanted more than 2 kids.

I've actually been pregnant 5 times in all. I guess life works out the way it's supposed to. Had I had any of those babies before Kaelin, I probably wouldn't have had Kaelin. And I can't imagine life without Kaelin.

18. I'm only 5'5 3/4" but was a middle blocker/hitter in volleyball and I had the high jump record at my high school for many years.

I also was part of the 800 meter relay team that held the school record and placed at state when I was a junior. I didn't get to run track my senior year in high school as I had my knee reconstructed. I used to run 100 and 300 meter hurdles, run the 400 and some relays, and also the high jump. I'm sure both of my records are broken by now though. I had "hops". Kaelin is going to be the same way, fast and springy, but she's going to be tall!!! Lucky girl!

19. I always wanted to be tall.

I would have loved to have been a 6 footer. I've also always been attracted to tall men and I find tall women breathtaking. If only!

20. I was only allowed to have sugar cereal on the weekends when I was a child.

My mom called it "weekend cereal." I have to say I've adopted this practice with my kids as well, but there are very very few weekends I actually buy "weekend cereal." It's more like "Holiday Cereal." LOL But I love me some Captain Crunch!

21. I have probably kept in touch with everyone I've ever met.

And once you are in my address book, you are on my Christmas card list forever. If cards come back without a forwarding address, or as undeliverable, I then send them to your parents house, which I still have the address from when you lived with them in elementary, jr and senior high and college. If they come back after that, I actually get very excited to cross them off of my list and remove them from my address book! One less card to address! I am very sad though that my best friend from 3rd grade is lost to me now. Her fault. :( If anyone knows Stacey Miller Steed from Canoga Park, CA and then Midlothian, TX, tell her to get in touch with me! She knows where to find me! I've lived in the same house since 1995!

22. I live in the first and only house we've ever bought as a couple.

I plan on living here as long as I can so that my children can grow up in one place. I moved around a lot as a child, went to many schools, and still long for those young friendships, like the ones my brother has with his 4th grade buddies still. I know growing up, I went to preschool in Sunnyvale, CA and Kindergarten in Bakersfield, CA and 2nd grade in Huntington Beach, CA and 3rd - 5th grade in Canoga Park, CA and 6-7 grade in Kailua, Hawaii and 8th - 12th grade in Kent, WA. But I have many many close and great friends from Kent and my best friend from 3rd grade was actually my matron of honor in my wedding in 1990.

23. If you were to look at me, you would NEVER know I've been battling Stage 4 cancer for the last 2.5 years.

You would just assume that I am fat and don't exercise or color my hair. I wear it very well and I don't lose very many steps in my life. I have a high pain tolerance and I am a very strong, determined person. However, if you were to see the inside of my house or my garage, (which you won't if I can help it!) you would know something was seriously wrong with me. I am usually a total neat freak, very organized, and on top of most things with everything in it's place. My house is total chaos. I can't keep up. With the cleaning or the organizing and my mom now lives in my spare room and my dining room is now our office and everything from my spare room has been sitting in my living room for the past 2.5 years, growing. It sickens me. It drives me crazy. I hate it. It overwhelms me. And I am so tired from doing all of the kid things that I don't want to miss. And going on playdates to escape and distract me. So it sits and sits and waits and waits. It would have been gone long ago if I was the same person I was 2.5 years ago. I can't do everything anymore. I have to use my energy sparingly and wisely and I choose to use it to watch my kids play their sports and do those sorts of things. Which is A LOT! I am embarrassed and ashamed of the state of my house. But like I've said before, I am an all or nothing kind of person. I don't have my all to give it so I don't start. It's too big of a job. It's all I can do to keep up with the laundry, grocery shopping and cooking, which isn't saying much as my mom helps me out so much. So if you happen to see the state of my house, please try not to "judge" me. I'm doing the best I can.

24. I graduated from UCLA with a BA in Art, but then went back to school (took night classes at UW) to become a physical therapist and then changed my mind again and went to Seattle Pacific University to become an elementary school teacher, specializing in art and children's literature.

I was one quarter (just my student teaching portion) away from graduating from SPU with my teaching certificate when I had Spencer in spring of 95. And then we moved to Portland and I never finished. Things have a way of working out as they should, because after having kids, I never wanted to teach!! I worked in a physical therapy clinic for about 5 years total as a PT Aide and Dave and I were live in caretakers for a quadrapelegic man for 3 years while going to school at SPU etc. After living with him, that kind of steered me away from wanting to be a PT. A great experience though and met some wonderful people and enjoyed our time there with him. Moved out when I was about to have Spencer.
AFter we moved to Oregon, I worked in a Physical therapy clinic and then I ran the cafe at The Hoop. I finally got my dream job as an in house designer for Hot Off the Press right after Kaelin was born, being able to use my Art Degree! I worked there for 9 years before they let me go due to my not being able to work full time because of my chemo schedule. I miss it every day. I loved that job.

25. I have a friend who won 3.2 million dollars in the Washington Lottery.

He's a fellow UCLA Bruin. He was a Sigma Chi and gradated before I did. His parents had moved to Kent while he was still at UCLA. So he was living with them after he graduated and working Graveyard at some factory. He and I were friends, although if he had his way, we would have been a lot more than that. He just wasn't my type. Anyways, he spent $40 on lottery tickets. He called me one evening and asked
"what are you doing right now?"
I said "watching tv."
he said "turn it to channel 7."
"why?"
"you'll see"
So I tuned in just in time to see them handing him that big giant check for 3.2 million dollars. He and another woman had split the 6.4 million jackpot.
I'll never forget going to Longacres horse racetrack with him for a day of fun. He hit some big jackpot there too. I couldn't believe his luck. Changed his life.

CA125 and chemo/cancer update

Once again, I must apologize for staying away so long! Eeeek! I want to blame it all on my Facebook addiction, but I can't! My blog time is usually late at night after I get the kids to bed. Well, to tell you the truth, I have been soooooo tired lately that I've been going to bed when they do, and sometimes even before they do! SO I'm not getting my time in to write at night. So please accept my apologies! Once again, I'm going to promise to do better. You might have to be a little patient or send me emails to "nudge" me!

Went to the oncologist on Monday and met with my old oncologist who retired in April and had been with me from the beginning. I had my filmmaker following me around (he's doing a documentary, following me outside of my Write Around Portland life) and I knew something was up when the doctor asked him to leave the room. He didn't think this time was a good time to film since we had some "important, sensitive, juicy" stuff to talk about and we really needed to focus.

My CA125, is up again from 134 3 weeks ago to 147. Normal is 35 or below. The lowest I got it after surgery and chemo in the beginning was 22. The highest it's been, was before my surgery and chemo at 174. So 147 for me is high, whereas most doctors wouldn't be alarmed until it was in the 1,000's. For me, nothing is normal or usual. I've always been way out of the norm. Everything about my cancer and this stupid journey has been odd.

So obviously, the oral chemo, Zoloda is not working. I had the holidays off of chemo and my numbers were slowly creeping up. After the holidays I started on Zoloda and infused with Avastin every 3 weeks. The Zoloda is an oral chemo, I take 4 every night and 3 each morning with meals for 2 weeks straight. Then I have a week off and I start again. The biggest side effects that I've experienced have been fatigue and an underlying nausea. But I can still function on a daily basis and drive and live my life, just a little more tired and running late for most things! LOL

Unfortunately, we need to decide now whether I go back to the Oxcilliplatin, that was part of the FOLFOX chemo cocktail I was receiving before. It's what we started with back in August of 06. It's a very very aggressive chemo. It's every other week. It has the most intense side effects. Not pleasant at all. I need to take a lot of meds to get through it and I am pretty much down for a week, and out of commission completely for 2 days. I'm talking not even able to lift my head from the pillow. It's so hard to function and live my life like that. And it's hard on my family. I did 11/12 rounds of it the first cycle, as the naropathy (numbness in hands/feet got so bad I had to stop) and then I got through several rounds of the oxcilliplatin last spring before I had an adverse reaction to it and they had to stop. I had developed an intolerance/allergy to it. Now why would they willingly give it to me if they know for a fact that I have an allergy to it??? That scares me. Because of this, they will have to give me a lot of premeds beforehand. And they will have to infuse it over a 6 hour period of time. EVERY OTHER week. This regimine is so hard to keep up with!!!! Ugh. It's so old. And it's so hard. And I so hate it. I HATE IT HATE IT HATE IT.

We needed to decide on Monday if we were going to switch to this. I had a little chest cold starting and we had run out of time (need 6 hours), so I opted to do one more cycle of the Zoloda and then in 3 weeks switch to the Oxcilliplatin so I can schedule our lives around it. By then hoop season will be over and Dave will be able to drive the kids at night/afternoon I hope. We may have to hit some of you folks up for carpooling/rides as I will pretty much be out of commission every other week. :(

This CA125 is the only indicator we've ever had (sort of) to follow my sneaky, stealthy cancer. It doesn't show up on PET scans. It doesn't show up on CT scans. It's very mysterious and devious. So the rise in the number is the only thing we have to go by, and the fact that I have been not feeling well, have had some pain and have been VERY tired.

That's my update on my health. Wish it was better news.

On a happier note....Spencer leaves for Japan on March 11 and thanks to so many wonderful people and their donations, he is able to go and has spending money covered!! We are so grateful to you all!

I am still on target to go to the Gallapagos in May. I will get this cancer under control again and go get my passport!

The Southridge Skyhawks girls won their first round playoff game and play at Oregon City Friday night at 715pm. The winner of that bloodbath between two of the state's powerhouses, will go to the State Tourney the following weekend.

I promise to add some photos and writings from recent weeks soon! xoxoxoxo

Weekend Wrap Up

Elite Acro 3 Dance Comp at Parkrose HS
Saturday Kaelin's Elite Acro group performed their "Topsy Turvy" (Disney's Hunchback of Notre Dame). They are clowns/jesters and do a bunch of team tricks and tumbling.Kaelin and her buddy Alaina before her "Quick Change" into a clown/jester!

One of Kaelin's signature poses. Flexible you think???

Valentine's Day
Dave spent the day in Forest Grove at the Hoop Tourney while we were at the dance comp at Parkrose High School. My mom had to work and Spencer spent the day playing video games. Dave had to work the SRHS Hoop tourney that night, but we all got spoiled with goodies inbetween. Gotta love the handmade cards...
Here's our loot!
This beautiful bouquet was from my UCLA college friend Joni, from Southern Cal...She said I was probably "the sweetest person she'll ever meet." :)
My mom put together these really cute tins of chocolates! They are loose tea tins!

We finished up our weekend in Forest Grove with two games on Sunday in the 5th/6th grade Hoop Tourney. Dave coached Kaelin's team to a 45-23 win and they took home the trophy! Kaelin played some great defense! They look better every game! Look out for The Sting! Bbzzzzzz


Friday night SRHS girls beat Sunset, but lost to Jesuit earlier in the week, so they will get the #2 seed into the tourney and have to play Oregon City @ Oregon City. This is their last week of league games.

We've been having really really rotten luck lately between troubles with all of our cars and our water main breaking last week! Dave and his step dad had to go out the day it snowed/rained and dig up the pipes before calling a plumber to fix it. The city won't take down the tree who's roots keep growing into it. This is the 2nd time it happened. Here are a few photos of the nightmare. Poor Dave is stressed and run down and not feeling well at all. It's just one thing after another around here. I would imagine he feels like he's drowning at times. I feel terrible for him and somewhat responsible for the situation because of my health and all that brings with it. :( So if you see him, just take a moment to say hey and check in with him. Maybe give him a pat on the back, a hug or a handshake. It's all catching up to him.


I have so much more to update on the last few weeks, but I don't want to overwhelm myself or you guys! I promise to keep up better!!! Thanks for reading!!

xoxoxo
Shauna