Monday, December 31, 2007

Reno or Bust? Bust!

Met with my oncologist today at 830am. Was going to fill him in on the Reno plans and then leave without doing chemo and drive around and pick up all of my medical records from my entourage of doctors. Here it is 630pm and I basically just got home from my doctor's appt.

Guess how I spent my day? Doing round 2 of CarboTaxol. I didn't even bring a book or anything to read. I ended up sleeping the entire time. Finally finished about 545pm. Spent a lot of time on the phone making various arrangements and unarrangements. And spent most of my time freaking out weighing the pros and cons for each decision, trying to find the one that felt the most right to me and would be ok with everyone and satisfy all the areas that needed satisfying (for my own peace of mind). The best I could do was do chemo today and postpone my trip. Don't know if it was right or not, but it's done.

My oncologist brought up some good points that I couldn't ignore. One being that when he asked how I'd been feeling, i said really good (after the standard crudiness of chemo week). So his response was, "so how do we know it's not working?" He wanted me to do another CA125 test (Cancer marker for Ovarian) but the test takes about a week to get back. He said chemo fails for a couple of reasons, one being that you mess with the schedule. So we are 4 weeks out now from my 1st round since last week was Xmas eve. And he wanted me to go every 3 weeks. We really can't measure how it's been working without the CA125. So I went ahead and took the tests and did chemo and was planning on flying out on Wednesday still but my friends and family, being the superhero support group that they are, ran around and made calls all day to postpone the plans and get refunds etc. If my CA125 comes back elevated, even after the first round, then the cancer isn't responding to it. If it comes back lowered, it's doing it's job. The Reno clinic does chemo too, but it's out of my pocket and I just don't have the funds like that to be honest. I need to use them for the big tests and stuff. Plus doing the chemo will now mess up any lab work I would have had to do at the Reno Clinic.

This CA125 will put some things into perspective for everyone and I can go with an open heart and blessings from all. (I hope). I mean, my life is at stake here, I can't mess around. I have to do everything in my power to do whatever it takes to lengthen my lifespan. Yes the chemo is nasty and destroying my immune system. But I am strong and I can bounce back, I did so after the first round. If it's destroying my immune system, it's hopefully destroying those nasty cancer cells. And I can build a thriving environment for my good cells with nutrition, exercise and rest and come back stronger and be ready, able and willing to go to Reno in about 3-4 weeks. The timing just isn't right. This happened with my Disney Trip too. And yes, it sucked at the time and I was so disappointed and discouraged and then look what couldn't have been a more perfect trip! So I believe that things happen for a reason, we just don't know what they are at the time. I'm not meant to go this week. Still not sure if I was meant to do chemo either, but it's done. Can't take that back. Not looking forward to days 4-6, that's for sure.

Thank you to all of my friends and family for supporting me and working with me on the arrangements and unarrangements. I can't even begin to tell you how much I appreciate it. I am still planning on this Reno thing, I just have a few more questions I need answered and then recover from this 2nd round of chemo and then I will be good to go. Hopefully with a little warmer weather and warmer clothes and a little more money in my pocket by then. And who knows, maybe it will work out that I can stay in one place for the entire duration instead of changing hotels several times. It all happened so fast I coudn't really catch my breath. I will be able to "sit" with it now and come up with more questions and scenarios and more knowledge.

I love you all!!!!


Paris said...

"Superhero Support Group" ready, waiting and willing... we aim to please :) Everything happens for a reason... if Reno is meant to happen, it will. Listen to your heart... it hasn't failed you yet. Love you, p

ali said...

Super Hero Support group member checking in from Utah! Even though I can't be there in person to support you.....I'm there in spirit! I am sending you positive thoughts, love, and hugs!!!!!! Big Hugs Shanna!!!!

ali said...

Don't you love how I typed Shanna, instead of Shauna! I do that all the time to you two!!!!! LOL!