Monday, March 10, 2008

CT scan results

My new oncologist called me tonight with my test results from Friday. It seems the suspicious spot on my omentum has grown, and there is also evidence in my abdomen along my right side, on the walls next to the spleen, etc. There is also some fluid. These developments, along with my increased CA125, have brought me back to needing to start chemo again. The doctor wanted to do 2 rounds of carboplaten/taxol and then do another ct scan to see if we were making progress. She asked if I could tolerater it. I said I could tolerate anything. I brought up my fear of doing too many ct scans, too close together, with the danger of radiation overexposure, and she thought we could monitor my CA125 and try 3 rounds before doing the ct scan. I like that she listens to me and comes up with a compromise. I asked about doing an MRI and she said those are good scans for bone and brain, but not as good for the abdomen. I asked about ultrasound and she said those are good for finding fluids but the ct scan is the best indicator for my situation and it's important to keep tabs on this stuff and monitor it so we can keep it under control. She also mentioned that there was a suspicious spot on my bladder that we need to keep an eye on. The good news, if you can find any in this, is that she didn't see any evidence on any organs and that's good. She thinks we can start the chemo and get some control on this and fight it back. For now of course. The way that this always plays out is that it comes, you do chemo and it goes away for awhile and then it comes back and you do it again. Hate to think of my life like that. A never ending battle of good vs evil. Been there, done that ya know? You think that I could catch a break. I really think I deserve one. What really sucks is that whenever I start taking really good care of myself and am doing everything right, that's when it seems to always come back. I know it's a coincidence, but it sure makes it hard. Why bother? I know the answer to that, but I can't help think it. I'm trying. I really am. It's getting harder and harder to play this stupid game. I don't want to play cancer patient anymore. I just want my life back. My body back. My future back. I want peace. I want normalcy. I want security. I don't understand why I must continue on this path. What did I do to deserve all of this? No one deserves this. It sucks. I'm sorry for being so negative. I'm just angry. I feel so robbed. Violated. Cancer sucks.


ps. thanks for going to the movie with me tonight Paris. Pettigrew Lives For a Day was cute! And it had a happy ending. I love happy endings.


Paris said...

I love happy endings too :) It was great to hang out w/you and forget all the yucky stuff for awhile. I just know that things will be "happily ever after" for you too. Has to be. No other options. I hate that you have to go through this, and I would do anything in the world to make it go away. I hate that I can't fix it. Sucks big time. But I will be there to help you fight the fight. Every step. Thank you for being my friend and for all that you do for me... I can't thank you enough. See you tomorrow. Love you, p

Laura Nicholas said...

Shauna - when do these rounds of chemo need to start? It certainly does suck that this keeps coming back. Hope is your word and your army continues to stand behind you.


Anonymous said...

Shauna - I think of you often and wish that I lived closer and could be more supportive in your trying time. I continue to BELIEVE that goods things are to come for you and your family. I will keep you in my prayers! Please know that even with the distance I continue to fight right beside you! Take care!


nic said...

Positive thoughts whizzing around the world to stand behind your army, SHauna. You are always right there in my thoughts.

JO said...

Shauna: Sorry to hear about your CT results. But you can fight this cancer. And I know chemo sucks but if it helps you, then it has to be done. And you don't know that you will have to have it again and again. The chemo could put you in remission for a while. Never give up hope. Remember that my doctors didn't even think I should have any chemo because my cancer was so far advanced. And look at me now! So, do not give up! You are just as strong as I am (and a lot younger!) and I know you can handle this. Besides, you aren't fighting this alone. Your army is behind you all the way. We all love you. JO PS: Looking forward to seeing you tomorrow.

Anonymous said...

Hi Shauna,
Dang on the CT results. Look at this as another small set-back. I KNOW in my soul you are going to beat the C beast, you just will. Please call if there is anything I can do to help you or if you just want to walk or talk.

Love you! Jaci

My name is Shanna said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
My name is Shanna said...

I guess I see it a little bit different... I think that all of the good things that you are doing and have done in the past 21 months are the reason that you feel good and look incredible so much of the time! Who is to say how things would have unfolded if you hadn't made such incredible changes throughout this time? You are taking the time to learn about what you need to do and then putting it into action. That is HUGE.

No one does it perfect, no one. All we can do is try our best. I try my best and I fail often, but I am still healthier today than 2 years ago. Same for you, with or without cancer. You are eating leaner and cleaner, sleeping better, and are teaching those around you. You are a fighter and you have chosen to live. You have every right to be pissed off and feel sorry for yourself and you should! The key is to come out fighting and you do that too.

I am in awe of your perserverance even as you purge and vent. There is no right way to live with cancer. You just have to do what you can, when you can. When you can't, then you lean on us. I am here, standing sturdy with all of the others, anytime.

Love you.

Angie said...

I think you are an amazing woman who continues to persevere and grab life by the horns appreciating every moment along the way. Work through the negative feelings, it's natural. You have so many of us out here praying and sending POSITIVE thoughts your way. Super cyber hugs.

P.S. have you received the blood results from Germany yet?

ali said...

HUGS! HUGS! HUGS! and more HUGS! Positive thoughts, vibes, prayers and anything else I can think of are coming your way! We are all here for you, standing behind you, and fighting like HELL for you!

Diane said...

I'm keeping you in my prayers.