Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Would you like some whine with that chemo???

Photo is from the Relay for Life 2007 I participated in.

I'm so sick of chemo. I know you are getting tired of hearing me moan and groan about it. This happens about oh, once every two weeks, when it's time to do chemo again. This was round 9 of 12 and when I mentioned that to my oncologist, she mentioned that we probably don't want to do what we did before after I finished my 11/12 rounds (my naropathy got so bad I couldn't go all 12) of the same chemo in 06-07. When we stopped the nasty stuff and just continued with the avastin, which keeps the blood vessels from forming. It was such a nice break then. It was less often and for shorter periods of time. No nasty side effects. No pump to bring home. I almost felt normal. ALMOST. But it didn't last long and the cancer came back with avengence. So they tried other chemos and those didn't work so they went back to the orignal cocktail, the Folfox. That's what I've been doing every other week. Anyways, the doctor said we didn't want to do avastin only again, because that didn't prove effective before. She mentioned trying other chemos instead. Hello??? I thought when we reached 12 rounds I'd get a break. Not just a break from the folfox, but a break break. Now it sounds like we'll just move onto something else. With different side effects. It's because my CT scans are only "stable" and not resolving themselves I suppose. I just am not sure I can keep on keeping on doing this chemo song and dance like I have been. I am tired, mentally and physically. It's really starting to take it's toll. It's getting harder and harder each round. I'm getting tireder and tireder each round. And I can't get any sort of routine going because every other week it's interrupted with freaking chemo!!! I'm soooo sick of it all!!!! Please just make it go away!!!! Wish it was that simple. I really do. Ok, so enough moaning and groaning.

I slept solid from 2am last night until 1230pm today! Dave took over all of the responsibilities and just let me sleep. Which I so needed and was so grateful for. Sometimes I wish I could just sleep through the whole 46 hours that I have this stupid pump for. I'll be glad to get rid of him tomorrow at 11. See ya!!! Bu-bye!!! Don't let the door hit you in the @$$ on the way out. (sorry if I offended anyone with that).

A little catch up from the weekend:

Saturday Kaelin's team won their game.
Spencer's team won one game and lost one.

They both had team pictures on Saturday.
Sunday we went to a 4th grade swim party.

Tuesday Spencer's 8th Grade Catlin Gabel team won their game.

I'm excited that my girlfriends from Arizona, California, Utah and Indiana are flying in over the next few days! I'm a tired, busy mom, but I'm going to try and fire up to enjoy our time together. Thursday night is back to school night sans kids, from 6-9pm. Spencer has a soccer game before hand at 415pm. Kaelin has gym 6-9pm, so that covers babysitting! Friday Spencer has another game and Saturday we have 3 soccer games and Sunday night is "So You Think You Can Dance" tour! So excited for the whole weekend! Living a lot of life this weekend! Bring it on!!!

I hope you all live your lives to the fullest this weekend too!


p.s. So embarrassed by my UCLA Bruins loss to BYU 0-59 last weekend!!!! Please dont' throw that in my face when you see me Ali!!!!!


Jean said...

Oh Shauna, I'm so sorry you have to go thru all of this! I can only imagine how tired of it you must be, but hang in there! I'm routing for you to pull thru this!!!
Love the pics of the kids. Do you bring your camera to every game?
Have a wonderful time this weekend. Try to just relax and enjoy the company. Give everyone a hug for me.

Paris said...

I'm so sorry that you have the blues. Breaks my heart in a million pieces. I'm so glad that you could get some good sleep/rest. Just what you needed. I would make it all go away if I could... I'm not a big religion person but I still pray for that every night. Miracles happen and can't think of anyone more deserving than you, my friend. You are strong and tough and you can make this happen.

What great pics of the kids. I know life is crazy, but isn't getting to those games just the best!! Even though I complain about living at the barn, it is the best place I can be with my kiddo ;)

Looking forward to this weekend.

Love ya, p

Anonymous said...

Hi Shauna! I am so sorry about how the chemo makes you feel. Three more rounds? Light at the end of the tunnel? My sincere hope and wish is that it makes a huge difference and you do get a break. You so much deserve one!

You are in my thoughts Shauna and I hope you have a wonderful weekend. Have a great time with your girlfriends!

P.S. I have been asked to speak at Kentwood next month about charachter and athletics. It is going to be weird. I have not been back there in 20 years......The one thing that actually made me feel like I was in high school again is that my parents want to come to the event! Some things never change no matter how old you are......


ali said...

Oh Shauna, I'm so, so, so sorry you are dealing with all of this. It's just not fair!!!! I'm glad you did get some good sleep though! That had to feel good! I'm excited to see you this weekend! We will have a great time and make sure you are RELAXED! Ü Love all the pics of the kids! You always take such great ones!

Oh, and the BYU/UCLA game...don't you worry about it. We'll just forget it ever happened. We ARE NOT BYU fans in the Moll house! AT ALL! We try not to wear certain colors of blue even because BYU is blue! Haha! We were cheering for UCLA last weekend!

Loni said...

I'm so glad you have some favorite gal-pals coming into town this weekend. Enjoy the laughs and forget about chemo for a while.

Love you,


JO said...

Hi Shauna:

I agree. Cancer Sucks! And Chemo Sucks! I am so sorry that you have to go through all this crap. But I hope it helps you a little knowing that we are all here for you. You're tough, you can handle it.

Love the pictures of the kids.

I was surprised to see Eileen at our support group meeting but not many there when we passed the candle for Betsy. I hope to go to her service on Saturday.

Hang in there, Girlfriend. I miss seeing you at our meetings. Have a fun weekend with your friends.

Love ya, JO